This Ain't My First Rodeo

This is a revised version of my original post. Hopefully it works this time.

Nice start...

(posted from Chapter 1)

You can remove the word "(revised)" from the title of this story.  Since you chose to post a new story, rather than to repost the fixed version to the original story, I have deleted that original.

Eric Storm

Thank you. This is appreciated.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

I honestly couldn't finish this story. Maybe I am used to Eric's writing style for detail, but this story lacked a lot of that.

Car - No detail
People - No descriptions
Age of people - Nothing

Reading the bit I did read, I thought Sally and David were siblings, not that David was older already. The break between people or transitions between them was so thin it was almost impossible for me to find it.

I will TRY and go back and finish it, maybe chapters 5-8 would get better, but so far as it stands, I can't finish it.

Overall word would be 'Rushed'.

Elessar wrote:

I honestly couldn't finish this story. Maybe I am used to Eric's writing style for detail, but this story lacked a lot of that.

Car - No detail
People - No descriptions
Age of people - Nothing

Reading the bit I did read, I thought Sally and David were siblings, not that David was older already. The break between people or transitions between them was so thin it was almost impossible for me to find it.

I will TRY and go back and finish it, maybe chapters 5-8 would get better, but so far as it stands, I can't finish it.

Overall word would be 'Rushed'.

Someone needs to go read the Critiquing Guide...

Eric Storm

Yes I do. It has been a very long time since I tried to critiqued anybody so I don't remember the process. I will go back over it and hopefully come back with a better way of critiquing.

Eric Storm wrote:

Elessar wrote:

I honestly couldn't finish this story. Maybe I am used to Eric's writing style for detail, but this story lacked a lot of that.

Car - No detail
People - No descriptions
Age of people - Nothing

Reading the bit I did read, I thought Sally and David were siblings, not that David was older already. The break between people or transitions between them was so thin it was almost impossible for me to find it.

I will TRY and go back and finish it, maybe chapters 5-8 would get better, but so far as it stands, I can't finish it.

Overall word would be 'Rushed'.

Someone needs to go read the Critiquing Guide...

Eric Storm

Eric Storm wrote:

Elessar wrote:

I honestly couldn't finish this story. Maybe I am used to Eric's writing style for detail, but this story lacked a lot of that.

Car - No detail
People - No descriptions
Age of people - Nothing

Reading the bit I did read, I thought Sally and David were siblings, not that David was older already. The break between people or transitions between them was so thin it was almost impossible for me to find it.

I will TRY and go back and finish it, maybe chapters 5-8 would get better, but so far as it stands, I can't finish it.

Overall word would be 'Rushed'.

Someone needs to go read the Critiquing Guide...

Eric Storm

Yeah. I don't know. I do really appreciate this feedback. And he's not wrong. It was kinda rushed. Maybe I could go back and add details, but that would be a while if I did.

Skyscraper wrote:

Yeah. I don't know. I do really appreciate this feedback. And he's not wrong. It was kinda rushed. Maybe I could go back and add details, but that would be a while if I did.

I understand, and I was slightly hesitant to call him out, because he did at least tell you how to fix what he didn't like.  But the policies are in place to protect ALL authors, some of whom are very insecure in their skills, and who would have found Elessar's comments completely disheartening.  It's not that there was anything necessarily wrong with what he said, it was how he said it.

Eric Storm

PS:  Elessar is also delusional when he holds me up as the standard for adding detail to stories, because I leave almost everything - including secondary characters - undescribed.  I describe things only when it's important that you know what they look like.  In my particular case, this stems from my eye condition.  I do not see the detail when I look at the world, and so it makes it hard to remember to describe it for those people who can.

But you're also one of the greatest authors I've ever read. Sometimes I think it's better to leave the images up to the reader's imagination.

It can be, at times.  If you want to let the reader feel sort of "in charge" of certain details... like if you really want them to be able to visualize the MC's girlfriend however they would want her... or if you want them to picture their own favorite color on the MC's car, or what-have-you.  But, to be fair to his criticism, this should be a conscious choice on our parts, not just something we do because we're overlooking it.

And thank you for your praise, though now I'm wondering if you're not delusional... 

Eric Storm