Cat Burglar and Mrs. Morgan's boys

A very successful cat burglar meets her match when some very attentive but determined dogs spoil her efforts to relieve the Morgan's of their property.
If your not into bestiality, then please try some of my other stories. As always constructive criticism is always welcome.

Very nice opening chapter. Can't wait to find out what happens to Michelle next. But it was spoiled by the sudden switch from 3rd person to first about three-quarter way through

(posted from Chapter 1)

I didn't see anyway to keep from telling the story only from only a 3rd person viewpoint. Maybe I could have transitioned a little bit slower.  I hope will find the following chapters enjoyable. I do appreciate your comment. Thanks

(posted from the Item Information Page)

pepsiguy1 wrote:

I didn't see anyway to keep from telling the story only from only a 3rd person viewpoint. Maybe I could have transitioned a little bit slower.  I hope will find the following chapters enjoyable. I do appreciate your comment. Thanks

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Okay, first, your comment here doesn't seem to make sense.  You say you didn't see any way to "keep from" telling the story only from third-person POV, but you, in fact, didn't tell the whole story from third-person POV.  You switched from third- to first-person shortly before the end of Chapter 1.  (Then you briefly screwed up and switched back to third-person at the start of chapter 2, before you went back to first-person.  This is why switching POV is almost always a bad idea.)

Second, after reading through the transition (which I admit is pretty much all of the story I've read; nothing against the story, it's just not my kind of thing), I see exactly zero reason to have changed the storytelling point of view at this point... or indeed at any other point.  Can you explain why you felt the need to change POV?  Maybe I can offer a better way to have achieved the same effect.

Eric Storm

Thanks Eric for pointing out a storytelling mistake. I reread chapter one and see how the abrupt change doesn't work. I have now posted three more chapters in the first person and changing back now would be another mistake. Since this story will only have a few more chapters to go, I'll will finish before starting on another story that hopefully will be structured better. I'm still new at this and at my age not sure how much longer I'll be writing. I never knew how much I would enjoy writing. The constructive criticism and feedback does help and is always welcome as it will hopefully helps me improve.

Pepsiguy1

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Hey, no worries.  I'm always glad to try to help out other authors when I can.

Just for reference (Yours, or any other author who may read this):

It's not a good idea to switch points of view in a story.  You have to think of the narrator as a character.  They're the person telling you what happened.  Think about when you tell one of your friends about some weird thing that happened to you five or ten years ago.  Likely you tell it from first-person POV, and you don't switch out of it.  Likewise, if you were telling your friends about something that happened to your girlfriend, that you weren't involved with, you would tell it from third-person POV, and you wouldn't switch out of that, either.

Writing a story is just like that.  The narrator is some guy, telling his buddies a story around a campfire.  Either he was involved, or he wasn't.  If he was, then the story should be first-person.  If not, then third-person.

Most stories should be written in third-person.  It reads the best, and allows the narrator to give the reader additional information that the main character might not have. 

First-person is acceptable, but it's harder to get it to sound good, it limits the information you can give to the reader (as, logically, the narrator cannot tell the reader stuff that the main character doesn't know yet), and it just generally reads a little too much like that proverbial guy around the campfire.

Second-person should never be used.  Ever.  Unless you're telling a "choose your own adventure" story.

I can think of only one legitimate reason to switch point of view in a story, and it is the flashback.  Consider the situation where, inside the story, we have a character telling about something that happened in their past.  This could be lengthy, and would involve a lot of quotation marks, perhaps a lot of nested quotation marks, even.  To clean it up, it would be acceptable to simply pull that section out and tell it in first-person, but it should be set apart by a clear indication of scene change at start and end when you do it.  Something like:

"You think you've got it bad?" John scoffed.  "Let me tell you about this one time at camp..."

-----

I was trying to set up my tent, when this naked chick[...]

And that's how I ended up with poison ivy in my rectum.

-----

The others in the group just gawked...


Okay, there is one other time when a POV shift is acceptable.  It would be as the twist ending to a short story, when you reveal that the narrator is also the main character.  But that usually doesn't result in a really great story, so...  *shrugs*

Eric Storm

Thanks Eric for the tips. Julie's new life I st4artedout as strictly first person. By, I think Chapter 8, I realized it was a mistake being the story had grown with too many branches. I made a disclaimer at the end of the chapter and the beginning of the next that the format was changing. I think it has worked out much better. I'm going to reread some of my stories to figure out what I'm doing right and wrong. Thanks again for your input.

Pepsiguy1

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