I want to share that I LOVE the way you're using Cassie as the "sage" who already knows the future. I hope you plan for Mark and Cassie to get together in 1964.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

HypnoBruce wrote:

I want to share that I LOVE the way you're using Cassie as the "sage" who already knows the future. I hope you plan for Mark and Cassie to get together in 1964.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Thanks HypnoBruce,

I have really enjoyed writing Cassie, I had always planned for her to be psychic, as she is named for the Cassandra of Greek legend.  However after I did a bit of a re-write of her when I did an edit to the chapter Catharsis a while back, I found her personality to be kind of fun.   The reason for the rewrite was I originally wrote her much younger than 6, while stating the ages was six, I treated her as more of a 2-3 year old in dialog.    so I did a bunch of psychology research to try to make her dialog more apt.

So once "Mark's Love" activated her power, she became a sexy little anacronym,  havening knowledge and skills from her future selves, and seeing branching paths of possible fates at all time.  but in the 39 time line, her young mind has difficulty making senses of everting.    Yes you will see her again in Chapter 13: Therapy and beyond.

Needless to say she is one of my favorite characters now.  Her and Gracie are the most fun to write.

Thanks again for the feedback.

abaddon.pale wrote:

So once "Mark's Love" activated her power, she became a sexy little anacronym,  havening knowledge and skills from her future selves, and seeing branching paths of possible fates at all time.  but in the 39 time line, her young mind has difficulty making senses of everting.    Yes you will see her again in Chapter 13: Therapy and beyond.

Needless to say she is one of my favorite characters now.  Her and Gracie are the most fun to write.

Thanks again for the feedback.

[Tease begin]

  How DARE you slight poor pen-pen that way!!!  She's your favorite.  I KNOW She is.

[tease end]

I've really enjoyed the story so far and I'm really excited to see more come out of this.  Cassie really is a fun character and I look forward to a lot more interaction in the "present."   I fear we are not going to see nearly enough of Gracie for a long while.  I really like her character too, though I'm really looking forward to Heather when he can finally save her.

::Looks over at abaddon::  What?  I didn't give anything away?

Saran wrote:

abaddon.pale wrote:

So once "Mark's Love" activated her power, she became a sexy little anacronym,  havening knowledge and skills from her future selves, and seeing branching paths of possible fates at all time.  but in the 39 time line, her young mind has difficulty making senses of everting.    Yes you will see her again in Chapter 13: Therapy and beyond.

Needless to say she is one of my favorite characters now.  Her and Gracie are the most fun to write.

Thanks again for the feedback.

[Tease begin]

  How DARE you slight poor pen-pen that way!!!  She's your favorite.  I KNOW She is.

[tease end]

I've really enjoyed the story so far and I'm really excited to see more come out of this.  Cassie really is a fun character and I look forward to a lot more interaction in the "present."   I fear we are not going to see nearly enough of Gracie for a long while.  I really like her character too, though I'm really looking forward to Heather when he can finally save her.

::Looks over at abaddon::  What?  I didn't give anything away?

Nope your fine.

Yea I like each of the main girls.  well all of them really.     Each has her own "Thing" that makes her fun to write.   Cassie just got real fun to write after I re-vamped her personality, then mixed in prescience.   I don't know if I could even rank them in order of preference.   Yes Gracie and Trisha will be back, but yes it may be a while.  Hent, the last chapter in this book will be called "Saving Grace"

But I have plans for book 2 and book three, so we will get a lot more.  AND chapters 8-12 may not be the only "Quantum Leaping" Mark dose in the series.   He has some unfinished business in 39 AND...  well we will just have to wait and see.     Nothing is set in stone until I publish it on MWP ...

Good chapter, can’t wait for another. Very few spelling/grammar errors but something is odd about the size of the text. It kept changing throughout the chapter. Example: The last 4 lines in the chapter are  smaller font size than the previous lines. Was this done on purpose? Or is something wrong with the formatting?

(posted from Chains of the Mind)

Oh, I forgot to mention that the text will not wrap like normal when trying to enlarge the text. I normally read these stories by clicking on the button that allows me to read the text in a new window. I do not download. But with this chapter, enlarging the text just takes the edges off the page and I lose text. Most of the time doing this has the text wrap but not here.

(posted from Chains of the Mind)

1.  You should not bring formatting issues up in the forum, you should contact me directly.  Sometimes formatting issues are not the author's responsibility, and you bugging them will just confuse them.  I'm used to being confused. 


2.  Since you DID bring it up, do you have these problems in all chapters of this story, or just the most recent chapter?

Checking the HTML, I can see potential causes of the problem, but I didn't dig deep enough to figure out for sure, nor do I know if there is an easy fix.  Abaddon Pale is apparently using software that writes directly to HTML format (as opposed to a word processing format), and those programs often do a VERY poor job of handling formatting.

Eric Storm

Eric Storm wrote:

1.  You should not bring formatting issues up in the forum, you should contact me directly.  Sometimes formatting issues are not the author's responsibility, and you bugging them will just confuse them.  I'm used to being confused. 


2.  Since you DID bring it up, do you have these problems in all chapters of this story, or just the most recent chapter?

Checking the HTML, I can see potential causes of the problem, but I didn't dig deep enough to figure out for sure, nor do I know if there is an easy fix.  Abaddon Pale is apparently using software that writes directly to HTML format (as opposed to a word processing format), and those programs often do a VERY poor job of handling formatting.

Eric Storm

Thanks to both of you guys for the feedback.

I use Scrivener to write, and compile the document to HTML. . but I do proof in Natural Reader and Pro writing aid. so there is a lot of copy/past back and forth.  It's possible a "Hard Text" setting got copied back to the document.. I'll check and reformat, re-format and upload if necessary.

Again thanks for the feedback... it really encourages me to keep writing.

This is an incredible story that had me on the edge of my seat for more than one reason. It is hard and challenging and deeply immersive.

It could do with proof-reading, perhaps the use of a grammar-checker such as Grammarly to weed out those homophones - site/sight etc - which a spell-checker can't find. There are some paragraphs that I felt could be in a better order for the flow of the story. But it is probably difficult to find a competent editor for a story with this content.

The world-building is great, the characters varied and finely drawn. The mythology is unique, fascinating and detailed. I want more.

(posted from Rituals)

Sam Spayed wrote:

This is an incredible story that had me on the edge of my seat for more than one reason. It is hard and challenging and deeply immersive.

It could do with proof-reading, perhaps the use of a grammar-checker such as Grammarly to weed out those homophones - site/sight etc - which a spell-checker can't find. There are some paragraphs that I felt could be in a better order for the flow of the story. But it is probably difficult to find a competent editor for a story with this content.

The world-building is great, the characters varied and finely drawn. The mythology is unique, fascinating and detailed. I want more.

(posted from Rituals)

Sam Spayed.

THANK YOU..  that's the best bit of feedback I have gotten in quite a while.

And I am glad you are enjoying the story.

My Edit process is as follows.

I draft each chapter in Scrivener ( my main writing tool )
I then use an AI Text to Speech engine "Natural Reader" to have it read back to me.   This lets me clean up a lot of flow issues, as well as tighten up my writing.
Next I run it tough Pro Writing Aid to try and find as many Grammar, Spelling etc issues as I can.
I then alternate between Natrual Reader and Pro Writing aid multiple times until I have found all the issues I can.

I DO.. sometimes leave a bit of choppy writing in place when it's in Dialog and that's just how the person talking talks.

Lastly I do have a few friends who proof each chapter for me looking for issues I have missed.

All in all I correct a crap ton of errors but a few always get though.   Spelling is a challange for me, always has been.

THANK YOU THANK YOU TANK YOU againf or takeing the time to leave feedback.   I would write a lot more if folks would leave more feedback. 

\A

Okay I just finished re-reading chapter one and wow it just kicks down the door with rich visuals from the very first sentence and doesn’t let up. I think the thing that struck me most about this Chapter was the attentiveness to the senses, the descriptions of sounds, touch (not just the sexy stuff, but the vibrations from the gravel on the road), and visuals all immediately physically grounded me in the world of the story. I don’t really have anything more to say about the writing, I thought it was great.

I think it was structured really well too, By the time I had finished the chapter I had a good sense of the mechanics of the world and a good enough sense of what I was in for to understand if I wanted to go further, but not so much that I wasn't curious about what was coming up next. It was paced well, and It introduced the story really well..what more could one want?

I can’t say that I relate to the characters, but I don't think this was supposed to be that kind of party anyway. I can say I had fun yelling at Mark in my head, kinda like yelling at a movie or tv show (like, dude do not trust that bitch she is clearly a serial killer or some shit!). It overall felt really pulpy and stylized, kinda like an 80’s action flick kinda feel and i’m on board for it. 

The sex was…..hot I suppose but I come to Wolf pub for the articles…so. Trisha is, hot, but frankly kinda scary, like to the point where i’ve theorized that magic must be involved because either Mark is more of a sheltered Christian gentleman than I thought, or He is awful at knowing crazy when he sees it lol. 

‘Z’ seems like he’s going to be a fun creep, and I legit Loled when he told Mark what the cure was…because of course that's the kind of rules Z abides lol. I can’t wait to meet the rest of his debauched minions!

All and all my feedback is that I don't feel qualified to do much more than fan out about it, it’s really very fun, really very funny,  and really very good IMO.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

@ SLT

Thanks for the great feedback.  I am glad you enjoyed Chapter 1.. It ( like most of the first few chapters ) is quite short. But I think it does set the mood for what is to come next. And I really did try to paint a picture of the world.

Danger Will Robinson, Danger,

Yea perhaps Mark should have been more weary of Trisha. But it was the mid-60s Times were different then. People hitch hiked all the time. The world was not really yet aware of all the sickos that are out there.

Z's cure.. Yea this story was largely inspired by Cum Master ( which we talked about on discord the other day ) and Just a Taste.  I liked the concept.  I hope my spin on it is distinct enough though.

The Articles? Really?  I have you even seen the weather reports?

Thanks again for the great feedback..
It really inspires me to write more when folks let me know what they like and don't like about my stories.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Just reposted this chapter after doing some cleanup.  No real content / plot or event changes.  Just improved a bunch of sentences and grammar issues.

(posted from Prayers)

Minor error in Fugative. Alpha is the first letter of the NATO phonetic alphabet. The WW2 era first letter is "Abel". The 2nd letter is "Baker". Charlie is third in both alphabets. So some of the coded messages are anachronisms.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

HypnoBruce wrote:

Minor error in Fugative. Alpha is the first letter of the NATO phonetic alphabet. The WW2 era first letter is "Abel". The 2nd letter is "Baker". Charlie is third in both alphabets. So some of the coded messages are anachronisms.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

THANK YOU so much for the correction.
I will fix.   and I didn't know that.. so fun fact.. Thanks

HypnoBruce wrote:

Minor error in Fugative. Alpha is the first letter of the NATO phonetic alphabet.

Minor error in your correction.  The first letter in the NATO phonetic alphabet is spelled "Alfa", not "Alpha".

Eric Storm

Eric,  I didn't think HypnoBruce's feedback sounded offended.  It was perfectly good feedback.. I work hard to make my time travel elements accurate.  he caught something I missed. and he was absolutely correct that U used the wrong Phonetic alphabet for the period.

this is the kind of feedback I love.   e.g. feedback that helps me improve my writeing

(posted from the Item Information Page)

...  What has any of that to do with what I said?  I was just correcting his spelling.  Especially since the Alpha/Alfa confusion is a common error.

Eric Storm

Ah... I see I noticed the Please Remember part

Yea I corrected it in the chapter to Alfa  Per the WWII Phonetic Alphabet chart.   I still appricate both your feedbacks

(posted from the Item Information Page)

The "Please Remember" part is my signature.  It appears on every message I post.

Like this one.  :-P

Eric Storm

Sent you a private message about the last chapter.

Dadrepus wrote:

Sent you a private message about the last chapter.

Dadrepus, where did you send it?

really good so far.

(posted from Desires and Regrets)

very good

(posted from Deals and Prices to Pay)

Very Good

(posted from Easy Rider)