The Pub | Prospective Authors | [onefromb5b4] Coming of Age | Item Information Page

Story Navigation

Select a Chapter:

My Main Page
See My Stuff

Back to The Pub
Author List
Artists List

Login

Not a member? Register!
(It's FREE!)

Please Help.

Monthly Donations Target: $700
Received So Far This Month: $195
Received Last Month: $565

Please Note: A $6 minimum donation is required before special access is given as a thank-you gift.
(For more information, please click here.)

[onefromb5b4] Coming of Age

The entire thread can be found here

2011-Jan-12 @ 12:01 AM
Bridget Barmaid Member since 2006-Sep-9 Posts: 778	[onefromb5b4] Coming of Age A brother and sister's first time with each other. ----- Please read The Mystic Wolf Pub Critiquing Guide. SITE CONTENT POLICY: The administrator of this site will not reject, remove, or censor any story posted to this site based on the story's content. No story shall be removed except for purely technical reasons (which will be worked out with the author so that the story can be reposted as quickly as possible), or due to a direct order from the site's hosting provider, a law-enforcement entity, or the story's owner. Report This Post \| Quote This Post
2011-Jan-12 @ 4:54 AM
Bd.Carlo Inebriated Member since 2009-Nov-7 Posts: 62	Well, that was interesting. It was a well written story, and easy to follow. It was an good story with an okay plot, but I found it very much, "we did this, then this happened, then we did that, and this other thing happened" I didn't invest in the characters at all. thats just my two cents. PS. I think you got the ages backwards. (posted from Chapter 1) ----- "Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." Elbert Hubbard "A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking." Jerry Seinfeld Report This Post \| Quote This Post
2011-Jan-12 @ 8:11 AM
Cenobite829 Inebriated Member since 2010-Nov-13 Posts: 28	It isn't a bad story but I had a problem with the fact that there was no real dialogue it was all stuff like " She asked me this so I said this." A little more characterizations and actual conversations would be make it alot better. ----- Jigsaw: If you're good at anticipating the human mind. It leaves nothing to chance Report This Post \| Quote This Post
2011-Jan-12 @ 10:38 AM
T. Weller Contributor Member since 2009-Aug-19 Posts: 22	This was my first venture into writing erotica. All critiques are welcome and helpful. Thanks for the 2 that were posted already. ----- Report This Post \| Quote This Post
2011-Jun-17 @ 8:23 PM
T. Weller Contributor Member since 2009-Aug-19 Posts: 22	I rewrote this story. Please see the Revised one. ----- Report This Post \| Quote This Post
2011-Jun-18 @ 12:44 AM
Eric Storm Pub Owner Member since 2006-Sep-13 Posts: 5751	And why, if you wish to be an active writer here, wouldn't you have opened a writer's account to post this story to? Eric Storm ----- Please Remember: The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone." The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended. If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM. ---- Facebook page Report This Post \| Quote This Post