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2012-Jun-24 @ 10:41 PM | |
Bridget Barmaid Member since 2006-Sep-9 Posts: 779 |
Dead and Back ----- Please read The Mystic Wolf Pub Critiquing Guide. SITE CONTENT POLICY: The administrator of this site will not reject, remove, or censor any story posted to this site based on the story's content. No story shall be removed except for purely technical reasons (which will be worked out with the author so that the story can be reposted as quickly as possible), or due to a direct order from the site's hosting provider, a law-enforcement entity, or the story's owner. |
2012-Jun-27 @ 2:07 AM | |
Umbra Tipsy Member since 2011-Jul-14 Posts: 4 |
Great series. Hope you continue it. ----- |
2012-Jun-28 @ 3:23 PM | |
StoryJunkie Wasted Member since 2010-Dec-31 Posts: 191 |
Nice story, looking forward to more of it ----- |
2012-Jun-28 @ 7:07 PM | |
RED_FOX87 Inebriated Member since 2006-Dec-7 Posts: 60 |
Good work on the story Veritas. looks very promising. Still reading chapter 2. so I don't know if the character realizes he's a vampire later, but I gotta say that I like the mystery surrounding it. Though if I could make a suggestion, I think it would be better without the prologue. Chapter 2 makes a great opening to the story, very mysterious, and I think it would be more exciting if we discover the story and along with the character, instead of being given information he himself doesn't know. Don't know if it would interfere with your plans for the story, like if you wanted to have the enemy shown plotting against the character unknown to him, but I think it would be more logical since the story is told from the 1st person perspective, and would get the readers to connect more to the main character.
----- Sex is good, Sex is fine, Doggystyle Or 69, For having fun Or getting paid, Everyone likes Getting laid. |
2012-Jun-28 @ 11:49 PM | |
lerris Inebriated Member since 2008-Dec-7 Posts: 42 |
Very good loved the story so far. I just finished chapter 5 and I cant wait for more. Loved when he put his hand in the light and thought at least it didn't sparkle. I burst out laughing when i read it. Great so far cant wait for more! ----- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them! |
2012-Jun-29 @ 6:25 PM | |
RED_FOX87 Inebriated Member since 2006-Dec-7 Posts: 60 |
Also laughed at the sparkle part. Though to be honest there was a part I had a problem with, and that was when Des figures out that he's a vampire. A lot of authors have difficulty with this part (having the main character figure out that he's special). Don't really know how I would have done it any different, and I guess it was important to the flow of the story that he figure it out early, but the way he just figured it out was kind of illogical and contrived. I mean going by his thoughts, it doesn't look like vampires are a common sight in the world, so as far as he's concerned, vampires are mythical creatures, and he had very little to go on, other than healing and a lust for blood, and a few small things, so it was kind of weird that he would jump to the conclusion that he was a vampire. Hell, he could have have thought he was a werewolf, or a hundred other things before landing on vampire.
----- Sex is good, Sex is fine, Doggystyle Or 69, For having fun Or getting paid, Everyone likes Getting laid. |
2012-Jun-29 @ 10:48 PM | |
Veritas Contributor Member since 2006-Dec-10 Posts: 136 |
I'm glad everybody is liking it!
Des only realizes that he is a vampire, after seeing his fanged face in the mirror. Add to that his added strength, speed and senses, not to mention his growing blood lust, and I think that it was pretty obvious. ----- |
2012-Jun-29 @ 11:50 PM | |
RED_FOX87 Inebriated Member since 2006-Dec-7 Posts: 60 |
sorry, I had read the story yesterday, and then posted the comment today, so I might have gotten mixed up a bit on the details. I thought he figured out he was a vampire before seeing the fangs. ----- Sex is good, Sex is fine, Doggystyle Or 69, For having fun Or getting paid, Everyone likes Getting laid. |