I note, looking back, that this is listed as complete.  To me this has the beginnings pf a great series.  Hope you will continue with it.

B

It is being worked on as we speak book 2 is being written and is several chapters into its creation, but I won't be post it until i have at least five chapters written.

Glad to hear that. This and brimstone were two I enjoyed a lot

Yes brimstone has more content just is on a small break hit a plot bunny wall still trying to clear them like weeds.

Nicely written and can not wait to see were you take the second book. Will definitely keep track and hope you will post soon with the book 2

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Thank you Lacy, book two does have a bit of work done on it so far. I am however like a lot of authors taken where my fancy wants me to go. Write now I am writing a Fan-story but more in a genre then a direct homage to any characters. Of course that would be Star Trek haha. Anyways, Thanks for the complement, and I look forward to more comments from you.

OK...where to start? You really built an interesting and promissing storyline. The end left me longing to read more of Harika and her family.

But you should really try to get a better grasp on spelling, grammar and punctiation. That might sound harsh and Eric will most likely call me out on this, but the number of mistakes and even completely wrong words is simply too high for someone claiming to have been writing for 20 years. Everybody makes mistakes, even Eric, but even the best thought out story will suffer from too many of them. If specific examples are being needed, those can be provided.

You have talent narrating tales and although it may not seem so, I would really like to read a sequel.

I notice you failed to offer to proofread for her...

Not everyone knows someone who has the time and skill to correct their work.  Without correction, you can be doing something for a hundred years, and you will still be doing it wrong, because you never get taught the right way to do it.

Sadly, decent grammar is becoming an "optional" skill for people today.  Decent spelling seems to have already become a "premium" feature.  What this means is that Wicked may not actually know someone whose skills are good enough to be of any help to her.  So, unless you're offering to help fix the problems, you probably ought not to bitch about them.

Eric Storm

PS:  You were expecting me to say something.  I didn't want to disappoint you.
:-P

The version of Archon you are reading is like 1.5 of the edited version of the story. It is a completed narrative of the first book. However, it is still in the draft process of the story. I have edited two chapters fully in the last year, that I haven't uploaded yet, because I need to have some one proof read them again, because I am actually tired of post about my Grammar and Spelling issues.

Not that I need to quantify it or explain it to anyone, but maybe a little bit of a history might give you some clues to though I can write a great story, narratively speaking, my rudimentary skills seem to be lacking.

As a child, while I was in elementary school between 3rd through 6th grade, I was in the special education program for my ADHD. Which turned out to be a determent to me more than a help. The time when I went to this special class, was during basic grammar and spelling, and basic math. I would come back for Social Studies and reading comprehension, time periods, and whatever else went on after lunch. This means that until recently the only reason why I score high on standardized test is my reading comprehension and understanding was extremely high, and i was able to make very good educated guess at things. However, as I said until recently, I didn't actually have the understanding of verbs, and adjectives, nouns, and pronouns. I knew how they were used because of reading, but not because of structure.

Don't even get me started on punctuation. However, I have been writing for a very long time. One of my biggest and most noticeable of issues has always been my spelling. Now some of that, is impatiences on my part, I use a very lazy spell checking program and often it corrects the wrong spelling, because personally I don't know how to spell the word right, so it looks right, I click okay.

I don't do that anymore in my newer works, if the word is massive wrong, and spell check can't even guess, I look it up old school style in a dictionary, because I know the definition, so if the definition doesn't match I know the word is the wrong word. But Archon, was written four years ago now I believe. It is massively better than all work I have ever adventured to writing before it, but it is far from perfect Grammatically speaking, or spelling. It is getting there though, I have run it through several text to speech programs to help me identify some of it's more basic issues, but I also like I have said have been doing a hard edit/re-write of the story for little over a year now when I am not working on other projects.

As an artist, I often rather create then correct, so once I feel the story is told I move onto something new, and than go back with my erase and pencil and clean up the loose edges. I have sketches from when I was 14 that to this day I still touch up here and there as I aquire new skills. My stories are the same way.

The biggest hurtle for me though, will always be that I am missing some basic building blocks that unless I practice them, I will not improve upon them. So I write, and I keep writing until I hone my skill. So please if you find errors, and you want me improve upon my skills, please respond with an email response directly to me, tis an option. And if they are accurate and valid, then I will make a correct, and than make note of it as a personal issue I have if it is a repetitive error, and attempt to correct within myself for a later date.

Thank you though for like the story, and enjoy the tale I wove. I am sorry that the grammar makes it hard to read. I am doing my best to correct this issue.

**Possible error?**
"A startled cry escaped his lips at the feeling of Felicity's tight core."
I believe this sentence should have been "Harika's tight core"
Found in Chapter 4.

(posted from Chapter 4 - Party of Submission)

Just a note, BoneThugz:  This sort of issue is better handled through email.  There's not really any "discussion" to be had about such errors, and some authors will find it embarrassing to have their errors aired publicly.

So, just try to keep it in mind for the future.

Eric Storm

Sorry about that, I meant to click the email option but went back to finish reading the chapter after spotting it.

I will do my best not to repeat the mistake. Apologies Wicked Storm and Eric Storm.

Regards,
BoneThugz

(posted from the Item Information Page)

No worries.  Shit happens.

Eric Storm

@Wicked Storm
Sorry for the late answer, but due to bullshit caused 100% by myself, I totally forgot about my post and any possible answers. Don't let my post discourage you. You definitely have talent to create interesting stories. You just need to find someone capable and reliable to do the proofreading. Maybe it is just me, but errors in something "published" annoy me. And like Eric said, there seems to be a general tendency that proper spelling and grammar are becoming optional. I personally blame chats, games and short message systems to corrupt our youth in regards to the proper use of language. After writing the last sentence, I feel about 50 years older than I really am. But sadly it is true. When we receive written applications from kids that just finished school, I more and more often get the urge to just go outside and yell. Our future depends on kids, that cannot write full sentences or calculate a rule of three.

@Eric
There are 3 reasons why I did not offer to proofread:
1. In the novel itself it is stated that it had been proofread
2. English is not my first language. While I use it daily, I am not good enough for such a task
3. Currently I would not be able to handle an additional responsibility. Reading is kind of my refuge. I need it to remain that way. At least one thing must be free of obligations.

My original point still stands, then, Sniper:  If you're not willing to help fix the problem, don't bitch about it.  Either accept the quality of the work as it is, or don't read it.  No one (and this goes not just for authors, but every person on the planet) needs to hear others' naked complaints. 

The thing that marks the difference between constructive criticism and complaining, bitching, or worse, flaming, is whether or not you offer a solution.  You didn't.  Guess which category that winds up in?

Eric Storm

If that makes me a flamer, then so be it. Maybe not how I would have classified the comment. Being a former blogger and therefore also having been on the receiving end, I have seen my share of flames. No matter my intentions, it is important, how it is being perceived.

In the future I will refrain from any kind of criticism, if it is not constructive.

Keep up the good work. Take care.

Actually, I would not have called your post flaming... just bitching.  But bitching's not any more useful than flaming, just less personal.

Eric Storm

It has been proofed a few times, it has been read aloud a few times, and it's even gone through a couple of edits. I take all criticism in any form in email formats, because I am more then willing to see what others have to say, because sometimes there is a little glimmer of help even in the most scathing of critiques.

But I side with Eric on this one, if you are struggling with how it reads, posting it here won't help. It will just possible turn away other readers, who might not have the same issues but read a less than stellar review and just shrug it off.

Believe it or not though, I am not young. I am also not that bad at writing correctly, when i slow myself down. I am actually learning the writing process for being an author as I go, so being amatuer at this, it means over times I am going to get better, and get better at editing.

You are right i do need someone who is reliable to proof my stories, and behind the scenes I am even trying to find someone, but until that day you guys are pretty much stuck with my own skill level which isn't as strong as my story telling. lol. Sadly. Thanks for the comment though.

And thank you Eric.

Ignore the flamers, imo. But that's just my opinion... lol.
I like the depth of your stories. It feels like it's a world that is being developed as I read. It's not about sex, it's about the feel of the characters and the world around them.
Yes there are editing issues, but that goes with a lot of posts that are from most hobbiests.
The only true gripe I have is, the stories are incomplete. I mean, I get too reading, the world developes... the addiction starts, I get my next fix. And it vanishes, withdrawals!!!!
Otherwise they are excellent stories.

I myself,  am Far from being the most skilled on this planet at proofing through for grammatical and spelling errors, however, if it is, i shall gladly offer myself available  to help out where i can.

regards, Jack Tempest

(and that simple is how it might potentially be done )

Ahh, this is a completed book in the series lol, Archon 2 is underway, but sadly i bite off a lot of stuff, so I have a few stories all being written at the same time because i have so many idea's running around it's not even funny. then of course you get into the editing phase of things, and your like, i don't know where i want to spend my energy creating or honing. None the less I will never be giving up on Archon, just might be a while before i post more on it. As to proofing and editing, if people are interested use the send email feature on the forum and i will talk to you there.

One of the best erotic novels I have ever read! Keep em coming plz!

(posted from Chapter 7 - A coming of Age)

Leaving such a ridiculous waste of space between paragraphs I find quite annoying. It breaks the continuity and smooth flow of the story.

(posted from Chapter 6 - A Party to remember)

kojak1818 wrote:

Leaving such a ridiculous waste of space between paragraphs I find quite annoying. It breaks the continuity and smooth flow of the story.

(posted from Chapter 6 - A Party to remember)

This is your final warning, Kojak.

Eric Storm

This novel is going through a re-write. So formatting and other issues should be resolved through that.