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#1 2022-02-04 17:26:28

Bridget
Barmaid
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 769
Website

The Old Bus

The Old Bus

A small group of catholic teenagers take a trip with a storm approaching. There is one scene without a description of what might be considered rape. Another questionable. I welcome comments including criticism as long as it is constructive. Please enjoy.


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#2 2022-02-05 08:52:55

Pleidius
Inebriated
From: Minnesota
Registered: 2021-06-09
Posts: 55

Re: The Old Bus

First, let me say this is a good story.  where it needs work is in the areas of sentence structure and punctuation.  I would have liked to see more character development with the students.  Keep at it.  I'm looking forward to your future submissions

(posted from Chapter 1)


If you're prepared to face the consequences, go ahead . . .

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#3 2022-02-05 17:26:50

pepsiguy1
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-09-04
Posts: 57

Re: The Old Bus

Grammar was never my strongest subject but I' m trying to get batter at it. I do like stories that have a lot of character development. Not just quick sex for sex sake. This story I intended it to be fairly short. I have another story I have worked on that is quite a bit longer with a lot of development. It still needs a lot of work before posting. Thanks again, you're input is appreciated.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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