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This is a work of fiction any similarities between the characters, events, or locations in this story and actual locations, events, or people are purely coincidental.
© 2008 Warlord

No ConCERN of mine

By: Warlord

Prologue

From The Register

“…A lawsuit has been filed in Hawaii against CERN and FermiLab in an attempt to hold up the start of operations by the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) atom-smasher on the French-Swiss border.

A colourful American botanist, teacher, former biologist and sometime physicist says (in outline) that the LHC may rip a hole in the fabric of the space-time continuum and so destroy the Earth. He wants the US government to act now and delay the LHC's startup while a new safety review is carried out…”

Naturally the clever and erudite among the science media found the lawsuit laughable and lost no time in mocking the goofy plaintiffs for their utterly irrational concerns

The members of the scientific community were right of course. 

The plaintiffs WERE publicity seeking crackpots with their lawsuit fantasy masquerading as science.

Just shows to go ya…

Sometimes even a blind pig finds an acorn

******

Chapter One

As we sauntered out of Bloomingdales onto Mall of America’s fourth level, Hooters was directly ahead on the corner of the east walk, at the end of that East corridor was the Mall executive offices our destination. . 

It was March 15, MM plus 3, Irresistible Anna was my Martial Law Patrol partner today.

More accurately Sergeant Anna Carson of the Minnesota State Patrol.  Anna was nicknamed by felons and perps.  They found it next to impossible to resist arrest when Anna was wielding her favorite PR-24 baton.

Yeah, irresistible would be a word for it.  So would police brutality.  No, that would be two words.

That is why I was teamed with Anna; I was the smooth to her roughshod. 

Smooth Talk, that would be me Chief Warrant Officer Tony Cooper, 257 Military Police Company of the 34th Red Bull Division, Minnesota National Guard.   

In the days since the “Great Mish Mash” or ‘MM Day’ or just MM as it universally came to be named, the institution of permanent martial law meant joint patrols between the State Patrol and the Military Police became the norm.   

So much the norm that a WO3, MOS 311A CID Special Agent was pulling the uniformed MP half of MLP duty and that would be ME again…

Anna choked up on the baton in her left hand gesturing toward to railing overlooking the Theme Park as she growled, “Smooth, what have those Goth Kids got going over there by Hooters?”

She reached for her radio, “Shall I call for back up?’

I shook my head,  “Let’s go see if there’s a problem. Plenty of time for you to get involved in a beat down and I’ll call it in.”

Anna laughed, “Fuck you Smooth.  I’ll let them kick your ass.”

I smiled, “Won’t be the first time for that either”

As we slowly angled toward the Goths I did my situational awareness scan and spotted two Elf warriors in front of the Movie theatre.  A shit! 

Just about then we were close enough to hear the high pitched voice, “I don’t have any lucky charms ya bastard, get closer I’ll cut your damn throat for ya!”

Anna looked over, “Sounds like they got a gnome.”

I nodded, “Yeah and we got two Elf protectors over on South Street coming this way.”

Reaching down I shifted my sword.  Yeah SWORD!  I was wearing the 1913 Cavalry Saber designed by a Lieutenant who later becomes kind of a big deal General in World War Two name of Patton.

257th may be the only modern military police force in the world to issue swords mandating sword training and fast approaching were at least two of the reasons why. 

Anna snickered, “You shoulda let me call it in, Smooth.”

I grinned at her, “Fuck you, go beat up some Goth kids while I keep the bad Elf boys from trying to make Goth burgers out of them and YOU.”

As Anna played maroon bowling ball to the assembled Goth ‘pins’ saying loudly, “What the FUCK do you asswipes think you’re doing.”

I shook my head thinking “nice open Anna”, as I turned to intercept the swiftly approaching Elf while also trying to keep half an eye on the Goth/Gnome situation. 

A crazed gnome hacking at my knees with one those curvy daggers they carried was not how I was planning to cluster my purple heart. Stabbed in the ass by a gnome in the Mall of America outside Hooters hardly seemed the heroic shit that got you laid

On the other hand, sliced and diced by an Elf was not in the plan either.

“Out of the way hoomin our citizen is in danger.”  His partner already had his swords out as the silver hair repeated his demand, “Step aside, NOW!”

Standing my ground with my hand on my sword hilt I spoke calmly,  “We claim priority since our citizens are also involved.  Put up your swords and stand down.”

Silver hair gave me a flinty eyed look as he gestured to his black haired companion who made a couple passes in front of my face like he was auditioning for a job at Benihana then sheathed his blades. 

Silver hair made to shoulder by me as I gently tugged on my sword hilt with my left hand.  He stepped back with a glare, “You threaten me, hoomin?”

I gave him a level look as I slowly and carefully said, “My partner will tell us if she needs assistance Elf.”

His fellow elf carefully spit just fractions of an inch ahead of the right toe of my highly polished cavalry boot then smirked at me as he tugged on HIS hilts.   I was considering the volume of paper if I brought that boot toe into contact with his elfin balls and took that smirk away just as Anna routed the Goths. 

They beat feet!

Black hair elf was so busy posturing and intimidating me that Goths were down the escalator two floors and away before either elf could think about giving chase.   

Anna had the gnome pinned to the glass railing with her baton while he waved his little dagger at her screaming vengeful insults at the departing Goths.  He called her a number of unflattering things while demanding she release him to chase his black clad tormentors.  For her part Anna offered him the opportunity to learn to fly.  Right there and then. 

Silver hair gave a bellow, “Release him women.  At Once!!

Anna glanced back snarling,  “Draw on me, you pointy eared son of a bitch and I will kill you.”

I barked, “End this now Elf.  Tell your citizen to put up his dagger and leave with you.”

I glanced at his partner, “Take your juvenile with you.  Restrict your patrols to adults in the future it will make all our lives easier.”

Silver hair gestured curtly and this time I stepped back as his partner stalked up to the Anna/Gnome tableau.  Anna dropped back into a guard stance he approached.  The gnome waved his dagger once more; as in exasperation the elf slapped the blade aside grabbing him by the shoulder hustling him out into the middle of the corridor as you would a recalcitrant child. 

Silver hair cocked an eyebrow as he mused, “You do not fight hoomin but it is not fear.”

Smiling I shrugged as I replied, “I like to pick my shots Elf.”

He nodded much calmer it seemed then he continued softly, “This place, this mall of yours draws our citizens as if it were honey.”

He made an expansive gesture, “We do not know if it is some peculiar energy of this place or geography that surrounds it but the tug is felt though out the lands of the many worlds that your terrible machine joined together.”

Now his eyes were searching my face as he spoke almost inaudibly, “We must fin d a better way Hoomin Cooper or you will be forced to draw that sword….”

Glancing around, “…Often.”

With that he gave a sharp bow then walked over to join his partner and one very angry gnome. 

Anna settled her maroon campaign hat at a jaunty angle then we stepped away from the railing and into the corridor.   Anna quickly went about dispersing the crowd that gathered outside the theater as I stood by Hooter’s entrance, near enough to keep things contained.

Silver hair leaned over to ask quietly, “Hoomin Cooper, what IS a lucky charm?”

I couldn’t help it I had to grin, “It’s a breakfast cereal, known to be magically delicious.”

He snorted as the gnome began to curse again but black hair shook the little man until he subsided. 

His shrill gnomish voice seemed to incite the crowd.  The theatre crowd filled the space as more filtered out of Hooters.   

I came to a decision saying loudly, “Sergeant Carson, escort these gentlemen to the elevator.”

Anna made a path. 

Holding her baton by the side handle, she used the ‘stub end’ to help people understand that she wanted them to “step aside” ummm “please.”

With elf protectors and frothing angry gnome safely on the elevator, Anna called for an escort to meet them on one.   

The crowd calmed with no focus for their anger.  Well that plus Anna and I standing back to back with our hands on our pistols seemed to have a tranquilizing effect. 

As the crowd thinned, Anna turned to me saying, “Those little wierdlings give me the creeps and as for those supercilious friggin elf…think they are so much better…”

As her invective cooled I pondered the elf ability to trump Ten Thousand years of “hoomin” history erasing racial. ethnic, and religious differences as we, all of us, united in our intense hatred of the elf and their kindred citizens. 

To be Continued, maybe....