Life's Regrets

Really beautiful writing, full of emotion. Only on the first chapter but worth continuing. Also, couldn't find a single grammatical or spelling error, yea!

(posted from Chapter One: A Final Regret)

Thank you for the kind words! I’m glad you’re enjoying it. The next two chapters are a bit shorter, but things pick up after that. I’m still actively writing the story, and at some point, I might go back to edit and combine those early chapters. Hope you continue to enjoy the journey!

Really beautiful writing, full of emotion. Only on the first chapter but worth continuing. Also, couldn't find a single grammatical or spelling error, yea!

(posted from Chapter One: A Final Regret)

Great story intro, I'm really looking forward reading more.

Best regards
Alex Rider

(posted from Chapter One: A Final Regret)

OK interesting start.

First comment is what's with all the Death’s and “Josh…  looks like there is some sort of encoding issue here.

As to the content.. An entreating start to the story.. Already feel for the character and can empathies with him. Ready to dive into chapter two to find out what happens next.

only real thought of constructive criticism is..

The whole prose is very colorful and emotion based. Until the man in black shows up and offers him a wish.  The MC snaps from deep depression where he has been apparently fixated on the death of his wife/gf for years and years into instantly a well thought out and almost legalistic wish. A wish that is only remotely tangentially related to his lost love.  Sure it's a great power and I look forward to seeing what comes of it.. It just felt odd, how the MC made that mental 180 into almost a purely logical and self scentered thought, and nearly on the spot. May have been better if he seemed a little more hesitant or unsure. and maybe the Man in Black... saying... I'll do you one better... I'll give you.....

(posted from Chapter One: A Final Regret)

OK... 8 chapters in..  White the story has a solid premise.. there has so far been zero steamy scenes ( which in and of itself is not really an issue.. but the story should have a No-Sex or Minimal Sex tag so that the reader knows what they are getting into.. )

Even with the lack of sexual content, I would keep reading but all the damn ’ and ” and other strange character encoding issues are at this point a major distraction. there is an instance of this in almost every single sentence.  I think these are" and ' being encoded incorrectly.. but it's on every page and every chapter and like I said in nearly ever sentence.

All in all your prose are solid.. Great descriptions and character building. But the constant funky character issue is annoying as all get out.  I may give this another go if I see all the formatting issues are fixed. 
best of luck.
\A

(posted from Chapter Eight: Small Steps and Big Plans)

abaddon.pale wrote:

I would keep reading but all the damn ’ and â€�  and other strange character encoding issues are at this point a major distraction

Been a member for seven years, and yet you still don't know that something like a formatting issue is to be reported to the admin, and not the author?

This problem is/was a site issue, not an author issue.  I say "is/was" because I hope that I have fixed it, but it will require Vash to repost a chapter in order to test it out, because the problem I fixed happened during the upload process.  (I can't personally test it because I don't use non-ASCII characters in my stories.)

So... Vash, if you read this, try reposting one of your chapters, and see if it fixes this issue.  (Then, yeah, it would also be nice if you actually tell me whether it fixes the issue or not...  )

Eric Storm

Eric Storm wrote:

abaddon.pale wrote:

I would keep reading but all the damn ’ and â€�  and other strange character encoding issues are at this point a major distraction

Been a member for seven years, and yet you still don't know that something like a formatting issue is to be reported to the admin, and not the author?

This problem is/was a site issue, not an author issue.  I say "is/was" because I hope that I have fixed it, but it will require Vash to repost a chapter in order to test it out, because the problem I fixed happened during the upload process.  (I can't personally test it because I don't use non-ASCII characters in my stories.)

So... Vash, if you read this, try reposting one of your chapters, and see if it fixes this issue.  (Then, yeah, it would also be nice if you actually tell me whether it fixes the issue or not...  )

Eric Storm

Eric,

Both my bad.. and agree to disagree.

I should have shot you a note on this via the discord..  That said.. As a site author myself... I know that this/these issues arise from the format of the file I/we upload to the site. I have found and fixed a number of these issues in my own stories.  I feel it is incumbent upon us the authors to at least check our work after upload.  This is usually a file encoding issue.. e.g. saving a UTF-16 file then uploading it raw to the site.  By my reporting it to the Author, ( especially since I have rarely seen the issue on other stories ) this gives the author  the opportunity to see if there is an issue with their own files and or to report it to you.

I was not in any way trying to be mean.

And it's commendable that you do that, as an author... but most don't.  I admit, I don't even look over my own work once it's posted.  Most authors assume - correctly, in my opinion - that it's my job to make sure it looks right once it arrives on the site.  Basically, my philosophy about this is, bother the guy whose job it is to make sure things run right, first.  I can contact the author as easily as you can, if the problem turns out to be their fault.

And, assuming I have, in fact, found the fix, the only way for an author to fix it themselves was to edit out all of the problematic characters in their stories.  And then they'd have had to know which ones were problematic, which would take a lot of trial and error.

The problem - again, assuming I found it - was that, though I had long ago converted both the site's display, and the database storage, to UTF-8 encoding, I was not aware that I needed to also convert the uploaded file itself to UTF-8 encoding before sending it to the database.  Because I hadn't done that, and (I believe) because of the default settings on the server (which I do not control), the files were all being treated as Latin-1, rather than UTF-8.  Clearly, that would screw up any characters not in the Latin-1 encoding.  Obviously this isn't something that any author was ever going to figure out.  It took me years to find it (Yes, I have repeatedly looked for, and failed to find, the cause of this problem for years now.  I got lucky this time... again, assuming I fixed it...)

So... yes, we will have to agree to disagree on this.  I understand your thoughts concerning authors taking responsibility for the formatting, it's just that I believe that responsibility isn't primarily theirs, it's mine.

Eric Storm

PS:  Didn't take this as you trying to be "mean"... it's just a "protocol issue" to me.  You went through the wrong channel.  The complaint department is on the roof.  :-P

I felt like Mr. Johnson’s questions and reaction could have been more natural. Sure we still ended up in the right place. I would have had a lot more questions if I were him... Could have been a more natural back and forth..  Given this is a key moment you have been building up to... I'd recommend putting yourself in Mr. Johnson's shoes.. how would you react if someone told you the things Josh says.  What questions would you ask?   Do the same for Josh... maybe RP the scenario out with a friend.   Given the quality of your writing over all, I think you could have done better with this conversation.. Again just because its such a key moment.

Another sort of Random thought.. There has been a complete lack of anything sexual up to this point. I think I mentioned that in a previous comment.. a No-Sex or Slow would be a good tag to add to your description.  In and of itself it's not a show stopper. still a good story.. BUT... the story really could use some conflict at this point without the sex to keep it exciting. Sure it seems like the brothers and the teacher are starting to get wise to him. But there is no clear stakes for what would happen if any of them actually "Figured something out".  like OK.. he is not acting like a 10 YO.. he knows things that a 10YO would not know.  He is so much more mature... first thought is not going to be possession or age loop..  It's going to be Kids a super genius... or did he have some sort of brain trauma. as a possible suggestion... He sees E.T. and thinks that could be him with the government all swooping in.  Or there is a crazy religious kid at school. Or the guidance councilor starts hounding him thinking there is some kind of abuse going on at home.. Tiger Mom on steroids sort of thing.

Lastly... with an adult mind in a kids body.. i'd expect more adult behavior and thoughts out of him. More confidence and even a bit of cockyness. Maybe some automatic ( there has been a bit of this ) doing of things without thinking about them.

(posted from Chapter Twelve: Secrets Revealed)

MAN..! I thought you were going to go there!   Have him slip up and reveal songs from the immediate future that will clue in his brothers..
A call back to my absolute favorite moment in Quantum Leap ( which inspired a big part of my story Cabal.. which shares some time travel themes with your story )
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIKtuY667J0

I suspect you may still go there, guessing from some of the chapter titles coming up. Fingers crossed... I must say the conversation between the brotehr's here felt real.  The Convo with Mr. J also felt more genuine.  your writing continues to improve.

(posted from Chapter Thirteen: Balancing Acts )

I find myself once again wondering why Josh is bothering with the lottery. I buy your argument of "seed money" and the setting up of a LLC or Trust is quite brilliant to shield him and his family from notoriety etc...  I still think the Stock Market, specifically Day Trading of futures would be WAY better. With the kind of for-knowledge he has access to, and say $1000 to start with.. He could literally make as much money as he wanted every single day, no matter which direction the market was trending.  There would be far less chance of anyone noticing a hand full of transactions out of millions.   He wouldn't even need to capitalize on those big ones like Apple and IBM etc... He could simply know how a given stock will trend through out any given day and Sell or short as needed...

Ok... not going to harp on that point anymore.. said my peace there

1 point though.. There has been no mention yet of Binifit for Mr. J...  Shouldn't Josh be like "oh.. and if you want to get a matching ticket for yourself, just don't over do it," kind of thing...  You would think that Josh would want to help setup Mr. J for financial secuirty as well.. or at the very least.. some level of greed would exist in Mr. J no matter how great a guy he is... everyone has bills ... I would think he would at least ask... "do you mind if I get a ticket for myself too..maybe from a different store?"

(posted from Chapter Seventeen: A Lucky Break)

OK... Conflict.. Finally.. this is what the story was missing.  While I think Josh's mom was rather quick to forget how helpful and mature Josh had been over the past several weeks upto and including the huge break she got due to him.  I would think she would at least hell him she appricate's his concerns, and she will keep her eyes open or something like that...

none the less.  Kudos on bringing in a threat/conflict. I was starting to get just a bit board with the story.. still could use maybe a minor conflict or soemone being supsicious or something 10 chapters or so ago ...

(posted from Chapter Twenty: Unexpected Results)

One point I would like to make. If I had money enough to buy a house or multiple houses like Josh seems to have. I would not have allowed my mom to keep renting her house and would have bought that first to secure my mother's future. Unless I missed something while reading. It hasn't occurred. Also, if he seems to care for his Sensei why has he not invited them over for meals at his house or his mother's for any celebrations or just a pleasant evening at home. Maybe you just didn't think of it but there is nothing wrong with adding to the story and republishing some chapters. Not much sex for an X rating but the story OK without.

(posted from Chapter Sixty-Five: The Art of the Deal)

All kind of special characters showing up.  “, ”, ’

(posted from Chapter Sixty-Seven: Classy Mental Breakdowns)

Reached the end. Very satisfied so far, hope for more adventures with Josh and Katie. Only a few inconsistencies that you might want to fix. In all a very pleasurable read. A very good first effort.

(posted from Chapter Seventy - Five: Wedding Bells, Part Three)

Dadrepus wrote:

Only a few inconsistencies that you might want to fix.

Such as?  If you're going to say that there's something that needs fixing, you need to be specific about what it is, otherwise the comment is useless to the author.

Eric Storm

abaddon.pale wrote:

I find myself once again wondering why Josh is bothering with the lottery. I buy your argument of "seed money" and the setting up of a LLC or Trust is quite brilliant to shield him and his family from notoriety etc...  I still think the Stock Market, specifically Day Trading of futures would be WAY better. With the kind of for-knowledge he has access to, and say $1000 to start with.. He could literally make as much money as he wanted every single day, no matter which direction the market was trending.  There would be far less chance of anyone noticing a hand full of transactions out of millions.   He wouldn't even need to capitalize on those big ones like Apple and IBM etc... He could simply know how a given stock will trend through out any given day and Sell or short as needed...

Ok... not going to harp on that point anymore.. said my peace there

1 point though.. There has been no mention yet of Binifit for Mr. J...  Shouldn't Josh be like "oh.. and if you want to get a matching ticket for yourself, just don't over do it," kind of thing...  You would think that Josh would want to help setup Mr. J for financial secuirty as well.. or at the very least.. some level of greed would exist in Mr. J no matter how great a guy he is... everyone has bills ... I would think he would at least ask... "do you mind if I get a ticket for myself too..maybe from a different store?"

(posted from Chapter Seventeen: A Lucky Break)

I think that is a brilliant way to get rich without spending too much time on it. Do you know how much work is involved in Day Trading. It is in the words! That is why not a lot of people do it. Granted he has foreknowledge but it still take constant effort. Lottery is brilliant! Isn't that "Benefit for Mr J or was that just being cute? By the way, love your work.