Well, this feels like a true story instead of so many that have sex scenes after sex scenes. Bravo! Please carry on.

(posted from Chapter 3)

Just finished Chapter 4....
Oooooohhh shit!
Im assuming Curtis and his Mum have gone to his Aunts for the holiday? Or have they actually moved house because that'd be hard for Marla to bounce back from.
Her Dad really is a turd and I get the feeling she is closer to the edge than ever.
The Treehouse truly is a haven, a refuge from hell.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

JustLucky wrote:

Freeform inspired writing isnt a bad thing especially to get words on paper to publish or edit and shape later and personally I prefer the unedited theater of the mind writings for a few reasons.
First one being im impatient when I find stuff I enjoy and unless pushed for critique I devour it warts and all.
Second reason being that I enjoy New Authors works especially those that write just Coz and dont take it too seriously and polish the life out of their work or worse still get wrapped up in their heads with tiny details delaying or killing any momentum the piece had by rethinking the thing to death over a long long time :-)
IMO you are doing well SLT

Thanks, JustLucky. It certainly feels good to write like that for me. I Hope I don't find myself in a trap where I stop writing because I'm agonizing over what brand of sneakers Marla is wearing or anything like that.....I've just decided Marla's sneakers are British Knights, and I will never mention it in any of the future chapters, but you and I will know lol. Anyway , thanks for reading and for the encouragement!

Dadrepus wrote:

Well, this feels like a true story instead of so many that have sex scenes after sex scenes. Bravo! Please carry on.

(posted from Chapter 3)

Thanks for reading and commenting Dadrepus. While I can't pretend to be assiduously attending to how well the story reflects objective reality, I have been attentive to what feels real for the characters. And being conscious of what feels real in the that way things remembered aren't necessarily exactly what objectively happened, but are the way they 'felt'....if that makes a single lick of sense haha. Anyway thanks for checking my story out!

JustLucky wrote:

Just finished Chapter 4....
Oooooohhh shit!
Im assuming Curtis and his Mum have gone to his Aunts for the holiday? Or have they actually moved house because that'd be hard for Marla to bounce back from.
Her Dad really is a turd and I get the feeling she is closer to the edge than ever.
The Treehouse truly is a haven, a refuge from hell.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Yep! this is what happened to Marla while Curtis was away at Aunt Claudia and Uncle Gene's. Initially as planned chapter 3 was just supposed to be the events of chapter 3 and 4 combined flipping between Marla and Curtis' activities...but Idk if I could have even made that. Anyway, yes! Her father is indeed a complete piece of garbage and I hope he gets hit by a bus. Marla is resilient though, at least I had hoped to show that Marla is Marla both due to---and in spite of her circumstances. Yeah, I agree the Treehouse isn't just a bunch of slapped together wood and junk put together by a couple of kids, it's a refuge and a time capsule and a place they grow together, and closer (at least that's the plan). Thank you so much for reading, and talking to me about this thing! It really do love seeing what you think and how you feel about the chapters!

Just finished CHAP 2...

A marked improvement over chap 1 ( which was good itself ).

The MC, Curtis feels more like an independent character with a life and will of his own, though I dislike how he handled things at the end of the chapter.

There are still some grammar issues, I noticed a missing "the" in a few places fut didn't record exactly where.

The Story has my attention and looking forward to the next chapter.

\a

(posted from Chapter 2)

Just finished C3...

Again nice work.. your characters are becoming more lived in.. The aunt's family is quite interesting.. Hope we see them again.

(posted from Chapter 3)

C4.. nice POV shift.  I feel sorry for Marla and also impressed with her.. She is obviously a much more thought out character.   

You are providing more and more visual description over the last few chapters too.  So getting better.

One question though comes to mind... Given Marla's Brains, with, drive, self sufficiency. It seems odd that she tolerates some specific things.  She hardly seems broken.

(posted from Chapter 4)

abaddon.pale wrote:

Just finished CHAP 2...

A marked improvement over chap 1 ( which was good itself ).

The MC, Curtis feels more like an independent character with a life and will of his own, though I dislike how he handled things at the end of the chapter.

There are still some grammar issues, I noticed a missing "the" in a few places fut didn't record exactly where.

The Story has my attention and looking forward to the next chapter.

\a

(posted from Chapter 2)

Thanks for reading Pale! Yeah, Curtis' handling of what he saw (or what he thought he saw) was frustratingly insensitive and immature imo, just goes to show he has a lot of growing to do. I'm really happy that it engaged you enough to form an opinion on his response! I might have to break down and get a Grammarly subscription, if people like you are taking the time to read what I write (and go above and beyond by offering feedback to boot) it might be the least I can do to make my writing easier to digest on a mechanical level.

abaddon.pale wrote:

Just finished C3...

Again nice work.. your characters are becoming more lived-in.. The aunt's family is quite interesting... Hope we see them again.

(posted from Chapter 3)

Thanks for reading Pale! Yeah, this chapter definitely felt like a step forward with fleshing out characters for me, and I think I successfully laid some groundwork for future character development, especially for Curtis. I'm so happy to see that seem to want to see more of that side of the family! they re a handful, and so much fun to write.

abaddon.pale wrote:

C4.. nice POV shift.  I feel sorry for Marla and also impressed with her.. She is obviously a much more thought out character.   

You are providing more and more visual description over the last few chapters too.  So getting better.

One question though comes to mind... Given Marla's Brains, with, drive, self sufficiency. It seems odd that she tolerates some specific things.  She hardly seems broken.

(posted from Chapter 4)

I'm so glad that you have feelings about Marla, much more, the feelings that I'd hoped to convey. Since the very beginning, I kinda knew Marla's whole deal as soon as I thought of her...she felt natural obvious, and familiar to me.  Yep, I've been really trying to take that criticism to heart and work to give folks something to visually ground them.


As far as what Marla tolerates and why, well it's complicated. While I will not claim to be some great capturer of reality, Marla's behavior feels realistic to me in the way that the actions of real-life folks in similar situations can sometimes evoke similar questions.... and even folks in those situations might agonize over why they act and react as they do. I can say I agree, she isn't broken, more like her shape is what it is because of the things she's had to form through and around. Like how a plant might look strangely bent, twisted, and crooked in ways that defy logic---until you understand the environment of light and shadow that it had to contort itself around to get enough of what it needed to continue to live and grow. Not an ideal shape, but a shape that got the job done when the job was pretty rough and weird. All that to say, I have every intention of exploring these ideas further and illuminating Marla further.  I love that you are thinking about Marla in this kind of depth, it makes me incredibly happy and thankful!

SLT wrote:

JustLucky wrote:

Freeform inspired writing isnt a bad thing especially to get words on paper to publish or edit and shape later and personally I prefer the unedited theater of the mind writings for a few reasons.
First one being im impatient when I find stuff I enjoy and unless pushed for critique I devour it warts and all.
Second reason being that I enjoy New Authors works especially those that write just Coz and dont take it too seriously and polish the life out of their work or worse still get wrapped up in their heads with tiny details delaying or killing any momentum the piece had by rethinking the thing to death over a long long time :-)
IMO you are doing well SLT

Thanks, JustLucky. It certainly feels good to write like that for me. I Hope I don't find myself in a trap where I stop writing because I'm agonizing over what brand of sneakers Marla is wearing or anything like that.....I've just decided Marla's sneakers are British Knights, and I will never mention it in any of the future chapters, but you and I will know lol. Anyway , thanks for reading and for the encouragement!

SLT its a style that for me? Brings me closer to the story as if its a story related by someone involved and that adds a personal touch.
I enjoy reading between the lines too, getting to know and understand the motivation of the characters even though im probably way off base its a kind of insight.
Many years ago I had an experience with a wet and desperate person coming into my life one winters evening and I invited her to stay, dry off and eat with me and although she was not in a good way she stayed for quite a while and ended up working for me for a long time as well as living at my place although in her own space.
Similar but not the same as Marla, same defences slightly different story :-)

Love your work SLT.

Lucky

SLT wrote:

JustLucky wrote:

Just finished Chapter 4....
Oooooohhh shit!
Im assuming Curtis and his Mum have gone to his Aunts for the holiday? Or have they actually moved house because that'd be hard for Marla to bounce back from.
Her Dad really is a turd and I get the feeling she is closer to the edge than ever.
The Treehouse truly is a haven, a refuge from hell.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Yep! this is what happened to Marla while Curtis was away at Aunt Claudia and Uncle Gene's. Initially as planned chapter 3 was just supposed to be the events of chapter 3 and 4 combined flipping between Marla and Curtis' activities...but Idk if I could have even made that. Anyway, yes! Her father is indeed a complete piece of garbage and I hope he gets hit by a bus. Marla is resilient though, at least I had hoped to show that Marla is Marla both due to---and in spite of her circumstances. Yeah, I agree the Treehouse isn't just a bunch of slapped together wood and junk put together by a couple of kids, it's a refuge and a time capsule and a place they grow together, and closer (at least that's the plan). Thank you so much for reading, and talking to me about this thing! It really do love seeing what you think and how you feel about the chapters!

LOL I had to look up BK's coz I was picturing Dunlop Canvas hightops but now I know :-)

The chapters make sense and the characters work well together with the intuitive storyline for me at least and while your endings aren't cliffhangers in the classic sense there's still a hook lol

Sean, the Dad is whats needed to make sense of Marlas mystery and although it was an educated guess its not the sex thats the problem its the abuse of power and total lack of duty of care and although I feel Marla is a victim of circumstance she hasnt fallen into the trap of victimhood so I suspect Sean is in for a long extended miserable demise, Maybe a stroke of something debilitating to render him harmless enough to allow Marla to take her revenge as she would be in a position of power ala Kings Novel "Misery".
A Bus kinda kills a story arc that could be deep dark and delicious fun  :-)

BTW SLT im glad you dont mind my thoughts on your work but if I ever cross the line just tell me to shaddap.

Looking forward to some more

Lucky

JustLucky wrote:

SLT wrote:

JustLucky wrote:

Freeform inspired writing isnt a bad thing especially to get words on paper to publish or edit and shape later and personally I prefer the unedited theater of the mind writings for a few reasons.
First one being im impatient when I find stuff I enjoy and unless pushed for critique I devour it warts and all.
Second reason being that I enjoy New Authors works especially those that write just Coz and dont take it too seriously and polish the life out of their work or worse still get wrapped up in their heads with tiny details delaying or killing any momentum the piece had by rethinking the thing to death over a long long time :-)
IMO you are doing well SLT

Thanks, JustLucky. It certainly feels good to write like that for me. I Hope I don't find myself in a trap where I stop writing because I'm agonizing over what brand of sneakers Marla is wearing or anything like that.....I've just decided Marla's sneakers are British Knights, and I will never mention it in any of the future chapters, but you and I will know lol. Anyway , thanks for reading and for the encouragement!

SLT its a style that for me? Brings me closer to the story as if its a story related by someone involved and that adds a personal touch.
I enjoy reading between the lines too, getting to know and understand the motivation of the characters even though im probably way off base its a kind of insight.
Many years ago I had an experience with a wet and desperate person coming into my life one winters evening and I invited her to stay, dry off and eat with me and although she was not in a good way she stayed for quite a while and ended up working for me for a long time as well as living at my place although in her own space.
Similar but not the same as Marla, same defences slightly different story :-)

Love your work SLT.

Lucky

Hey Lucky. Sorry for taking so long to respond.  Yeah I think at some point pretty much everyone has met a Marla of sorts (or are a type of Marla), though I suppose many people never really get to know their stories, or they do and it simply doesn't stick. Either way I'm glad that you are reading between the lines, I think there is a lot of story between the lines and I hope as I grow as a writer I can get better at wielding that meta-narrative more effectively.

Also  I'm so honored that I wrote something that you love, that is legitimately not something I thought anyone would ever say about something I wrote....so thank you for telling me! it means the world.

JustLucky wrote:

SLT wrote:

JustLucky wrote:

Just finished Chapter 4....
Oooooohhh shit!
Im assuming Curtis and his Mum have gone to his Aunts for the holiday? Or have they actually moved house because that'd be hard for Marla to bounce back from.
Her Dad really is a turd and I get the feeling she is closer to the edge than ever.
The Treehouse truly is a haven, a refuge from hell.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Yep! this is what happened to Marla while Curtis was away at Aunt Claudia and Uncle Gene's. Initially as planned chapter 3 was just supposed to be the events of chapter 3 and 4 combined flipping between Marla and Curtis' activities...but Idk if I could have even made that. Anyway, yes! Her father is indeed a complete piece of garbage and I hope he gets hit by a bus. Marla is resilient though, at least I had hoped to show that Marla is Marla both due to---and in spite of her circumstances. Yeah, I agree the Treehouse isn't just a bunch of slapped together wood and junk put together by a couple of kids, it's a refuge and a time capsule and a place they grow together, and closer (at least that's the plan). Thank you so much for reading, and talking to me about this thing! It really do love seeing what you think and how you feel about the chapters!

LOL I had to look up BK's coz I was picturing Dunlop Canvas hightops but now I know :-)

The chapters make sense and the characters work well together with the intuitive storyline for me at least and while your endings aren't cliffhangers in the classic sense there's still a hook lol

Sean, the Dad is whats needed to make sense of Marlas mystery and although it was an educated guess its not the sex thats the problem its the abuse of power and total lack of duty of care and although I feel Marla is a victim of circumstance she hasnt fallen into the trap of victimhood so I suspect Sean is in for a long extended miserable demise, Maybe a stroke of something debilitating to render him harmless enough to allow Marla to take her revenge as she would be in a position of power ala Kings Novel "Misery".
A Bus kinda kills a story arc that could be deep dark and delicious fun  :-)

BTW SLT im glad you dont mind my thoughts on your work but if I ever cross the line just tell me to shaddap.

Looking forward to some more

Lucky

haha I actually looked them up too as they were just shoes I vaguely remember being considered 'poor'. I was surprised to find out that they weren't nearly as old as I assumed they were and that they were at one point a cool popular shoe in NYC.  As far as Dunlop hightops, those are definitely Marla-esque shoes.

Hahah, yeah guys like Sean don't get hit by buses usually, no matter how much you wish it (is a dream sequence in a story considered cheap? lol). You are absolutely right, often it is a slow deterioration... they don't take care of the people they are responsible for---including themselves. I did have Sean's fate outlined, and all I will say that you understand the kind of story this is.

Also, Lucky, not only do I not mind that you share your thoughts , I'm stoked that you are thinking about it at all much less sharing. So, please share away, its very fun for me.


I was out of commission for a bit, but I've started writing Chapter 5 tonight, so you shouldn't have to wait too long.

SLT wrote:

JustLucky wrote:

SLT wrote:

Thanks, JustLucky. It certainly feels good to write like that for me. I Hope I don't find myself in a trap where I stop writing because I'm agonizing over what brand of sneakers Marla is wearing or anything like that.....I've just decided Marla's sneakers are British Knights, and I will never mention it in any of the future chapters, but you and I will know lol. Anyway , thanks for reading and for the encouragement!

SLT its a style that for me? Brings me closer to the story as if its a story related by someone involved and that adds a personal touch.
I enjoy reading between the lines too, getting to know and understand the motivation of the characters even though im probably way off base its a kind of insight.
Many years ago I had an experience with a wet and desperate person coming into my life one winters evening and I invited her to stay, dry off and eat with me and although she was not in a good way she stayed for quite a while and ended up working for me for a long time as well as living at my place although in her own space.
Similar but not the same as Marla, same defences slightly different story :-)

Love your work SLT.

Lucky

Hey Lucky. Sorry for taking so long to respond.  Yeah I think at some point pretty much everyone has met a Marla of sorts (or are a type of Marla), though I suppose many people never really get to know their stories, or they do and it simply doesn't stick. Either way I'm glad that you are reading between the lines, I think there is a lot of story between the lines and I hope as I grow as a writer I can get better at wielding that meta-narrative more effectively.

Also  I'm so honored that I wrote something that you love, that is legitimately not something I thought anyone would ever say about something I wrote....so thank you for telling me! it means the world.

No problem with the time of reply, As for reading between the lines? Its a bad habit I acquired in the mid 1980's when I first started reading fiction on pre WWW Bulletin boards and news groups.
The trick for me is to play it in my head as i read as a kinda theatre of the mind and the visual aspect adds nuance to the story.
Heres the catch though, it doesnt work with all writing styles but it works well with yours because you dont spoon feed the reader and the story has a more realistic and organic arc which is IMO a rarity these days.
Also helps that some of my recreational pursuits particularly with longer term playmates requires a quick and fertile mind or the fun quickly gets stale :-)
You write well as far as im concerned and I felt I needed to say so, the hard bit is keeping the flow going and thats down to inspiration and being in the mood but its nice to know when people appreciate your work!

SLT wrote:

JustLucky wrote:

SLT wrote:

Yep! this is what happened to Marla while Curtis was away at Aunt Claudia and Uncle Gene's. Initially as planned chapter 3 was just supposed to be the events of chapter 3 and 4 combined flipping between Marla and Curtis' activities...but Idk if I could have even made that. Anyway, yes! Her father is indeed a complete piece of garbage and I hope he gets hit by a bus. Marla is resilient though, at least I had hoped to show that Marla is Marla both due to---and in spite of her circumstances. Yeah, I agree the Treehouse isn't just a bunch of slapped together wood and junk put together by a couple of kids, it's a refuge and a time capsule and a place they grow together, and closer (at least that's the plan). Thank you so much for reading, and talking to me about this thing! It really do love seeing what you think and how you feel about the chapters!

LOL I had to look up BK's coz I was picturing Dunlop Canvas hightops but now I know :-)

The chapters make sense and the characters work well together with the intuitive storyline for me at least and while your endings aren't cliffhangers in the classic sense there's still a hook lol

Sean, the Dad is whats needed to make sense of Marlas mystery and although it was an educated guess its not the sex thats the problem its the abuse of power and total lack of duty of care and although I feel Marla is a victim of circumstance she hasnt fallen into the trap of victimhood so I suspect Sean is in for a long extended miserable demise, Maybe a stroke of something debilitating to render him harmless enough to allow Marla to take her revenge as she would be in a position of power ala Kings Novel "Misery".
A Bus kinda kills a story arc that could be deep dark and delicious fun  :-)

BTW SLT im glad you dont mind my thoughts on your work but if I ever cross the line just tell me to shaddap.

Looking forward to some more

Lucky

haha I actually looked them up too as they were just shoes I vaguely remember being considered 'poor'. I was surprised to find out that they weren't nearly as old as I assumed they were and that they were at one point a cool popular shoe in NYC.  As far as Dunlop hightops, those are definitely Marla-esque shoes.

Hahah, yeah guys like Sean don't get hit by buses usually, no matter how much you wish it (is a dream sequence in a story considered cheap? lol). You are absolutely right, often it is a slow deterioration... they don't take care of the people they are responsible for---including themselves. I did have Sean's fate outlined, and all I will say that you understand the kind of story this is.

Also, Lucky, not only do I not mind that you share your thoughts , I'm stoked that you are thinking about it at all much less sharing. So, please share away, its very fun for me.


I was out of commission for a bit, but I've started writing Chapter 5 tonight, so you shouldn't have to wait too long.

The BK's weren't part of pop culture here, probably a US thing so my brain default was hightops for the socio economic bracket but the important thing was I got the reference, one of those lil things that are taken for granted but actually translate just fine.

I've weirdly know a few Sean types, usually fun buddies but horrible Dads and they all end badly as they load up on stupid and karma bites, I used to investigate long term welfare and insurance fraud as the equivalent of a PI and you meet some interesting people there too.

Im glad you get something from the feedback SLT and I hope it helps in some small way, Being out of commission is unavoidable too as life gets in the way sometimes plus writing a serial can leave you a bit drained and flat sometimes soooo if my ramblings spur you on? Awesome :-)

Chapter 5? YUSSSSSSSSSSSSS Looking forward to it!

Cheers,
Lucky

Upgraded my opinion from "Definitely worth the time" to "Must Read"

you are swinging for the fences now. Both Curis and Marla's personalities are solid.  The mental imagery is getting good, I can picture the treehouse and the manshift elevator.

My personal favorite was your descriptions of the "Cool Girl" Click and their weaponized snark. I forget the exact words as it was near the beginning of the chapter. But it was great.

I found myself wondering if Mrss. Perfect Blond has ulterior motives for her hostility towards Curtis's relationship with Marla, or if it's just straight up Teen-bitchyness. 
I loved all that fall out.  Though I think her BF should have been suspended, or expelled. That's straight up assault.

The only constructive criticisms I have this time are as follows.

#1  Mom's easy acceptance of son and his GF spending the night in the tree house with out at least a "No Hanky Panky now!" and not even a mention of, "Should we call her parents?"

#2 and More serious...  When the bomb dropped.. It seems to be that deserved more conversation than.. "well don't I feel stupid."  Most guys' self horror at their own behaivor would have mored into protectiveness of the girl.. He shoudl have at least wanted more info if only so he could better support her or more likely find a way to save her. Sure maybe she has been through failed save me attempts, and has learned her lesson, but Curtis didn't even try.   + she shoudl have had more questions about his.. "Swinging" Misunderstanding.. Seems like they discussed what each of them were upto.. so having him come clean about the aunt thing would have been a great opportunity for her to call him a Block Head.  and really explain to him what her dad does to her and tell him ( and us ) why she doesn't fight back.. when she is clearly smart capable and far from broken.

(posted from Chapter 5)

abaddon.pale wrote:

Upgraded my opinion from "Definitely worth the time" to "Must Read"

you are swinging for the fences now. Both Curis and Marla's personalities are solid.  The mental imagery is getting good, I can picture the treehouse and the manshift elevator.

My personal favorite was your descriptions of the "Cool Girl" Click and their weaponized snark. I forget the exact words as it was near the beginning of the chapter. But it was great.

I found myself wondering if Mrss. Perfect Blond has ulterior motives for her hostility towards Curtis's relationship with Marla, or if it's just straight up Teen-bitchyness. 
I loved all that fall out.  Though I think her BF should have been suspended, or expelled. That's straight up assault.

The only constructive criticisms I have this time are as follows.

#1  Mom's easy acceptance of son and his GF spending the night in the tree house with out at least a "No Hanky Panky now!" and not even a mention of, "Should we call her parents?"

#2 and More serious...  When the bomb dropped.. It seems to be that deserved more conversation than.. "well don't I feel stupid."  Most guys' self horror at their own behaivor would have mored into protectiveness of the girl.. He shoudl have at least wanted more info if only so he could better support her or more likely find a way to save her. Sure maybe she has been through failed save me attempts, and has learned her lesson, but Curtis didn't even try.   + she shoudl have had more questions about his.. "Swinging" Misunderstanding.. Seems like they discussed what each of them were upto.. so having him come clean about the aunt thing would have been a great opportunity for her to call him a Block Head.  and really explain to him what her dad does to her and tell him ( and us ) why she doesn't fight back.. when she is clearly smart capable and far from broken.

(posted from Chapter 5)

Thanks for reading and the constructive feedback! Yeah I had been thinking about Lindsay for a while, how to give her a hook and a fatal flaw that would generate future interactions that made sense...so yeah she's got something going on.

Ernest should totally be suspended, and the nurse shouldn't have simply asked if Curtis wanted her to call his mother she should have just done it...but hey it was the (insert time-period where it would be conceivable for that kind of adult negligence to possibly occur). That is literally just hand waving though, I never actually considered actual consequences for Ernest lol he kinda just got away with it.

It is funny that outside of the Ernest thing which I didn't really think through until you mentioned it , your #1 and #2 are cuts I made because again I was afraid of length and flow.

#1. Coralyn had some internal dialogue and dinner conversation about Marla's cast, and the concerns she mentioned previously to Curtis previously, reinforcing that she has strong suspicions that Marla has a rough home life. I ended up cutting it because of its length and because I was afraid it would feel redundant. But it seems clear now that refreshing that would put some context around why she is willing to let Marla eat her out of house and home and spend the night. So I think maybe I should do some editing there. As far as concerns about sexy stuff between him and Marla, idk I think she might be a little in denial about what she and Curtis could get up to.....but maybe you're right, Her little sister did get pregnant when she wasn't that much older than Curtis so maybe it deserves some sort of acknowledgment. 

#2. This one is actually another cut, it is a pretty brutal conversation, it took up a whole lot of space and ultimately when they had that conversation the romantic scene felt completely out of place because the conversation was too dark and sad and very contentious. I made a call to have them have it on the walk/ride home in the next chapter because it was conceivable that the full implications of what Marla told him could take some time to sink in. But idk maybe it was a bad call. Regardless, their reconciliation isn't done, and as you may imagine when your girlfriend is being abused by her father its not a thing you hug it out about once or fight about once and then its done, it will be a journey.

As far as Aunt Claudia---I think he's a little ashamed of it still..could be worth an edit.


Anyway those are absolutely all very valid and insightful critiques and I probably have some edits to do.

SLT wrote:

abaddon.pale wrote:

Upgraded my opinion from "Definitely worth the time" to "Must Read"

you are swinging for the fences now. Both Curis and Marla's personalities are solid.  The mental imagery is getting good, I can picture the treehouse and the manshift elevator.

My personal favorite was your descriptions of the "Cool Girl" Click and their weaponized snark. I forget the exact words as it was near the beginning of the chapter. But it was great.

I found myself wondering if Mrss. Perfect Blond has ulterior motives for her hostility towards Curtis's relationship with Marla, or if it's just straight up Teen-bitchyness. 
I loved all that fall out.  Though I think her BF should have been suspended, or expelled. That's straight up assault.

The only constructive criticisms I have this time are as follows.

#1  Mom's easy acceptance of son and his GF spending the night in the tree house with out at least a "No Hanky Panky now!" and not even a mention of, "Should we call her parents?"

#2 and More serious...  When the bomb dropped.. It seems to be that deserved more conversation than.. "well don't I feel stupid."  Most guys' self horror at their own behaivor would have mored into protectiveness of the girl.. He shoudl have at least wanted more info if only so he could better support her or more likely find a way to save her. Sure maybe she has been through failed save me attempts, and has learned her lesson, but Curtis didn't even try.   + she shoudl have had more questions about his.. "Swinging" Misunderstanding.. Seems like they discussed what each of them were upto.. so having him come clean about the aunt thing would have been a great opportunity for her to call him a Block Head.  and really explain to him what her dad does to her and tell him ( and us ) why she doesn't fight back.. when she is clearly smart capable and far from broken.

(posted from Chapter 5)

Thanks for reading and the constructive feedback! Yeah I had been thinking about Lindsay for a while, how to give her a hook and a fatal flaw that would generate future interactions that made sense...so yeah she's got something going on.

Ernest should totally be suspended, and the nurse shouldn't have simply asked if Curtis wanted her to call his mother she should have just done it...but hey it was the (insert time-period where it would be conceivable for that kind of adult negligence to possibly occur). That is literally just hand waving though, I never actually considered actual consequences for Ernest lol he kinda just got away with it.

It is funny that outside of the Ernest thing which I didn't really think through until you mentioned it , your #1 and #2 are cuts I made because again I was afraid of length and flow.

#1. Coralyn had some internal dialogue and dinner conversation about Marla's cast, and the concerns she mentioned previously to Curtis previously, reinforcing that she has strong suspicions that Marla has a rough home life. I ended up cutting it because of its length and because I was afraid it would feel redundant. But it seems clear now that refreshing that would put some context around why she is willing to let Marla eat her out of house and home and spend the night. So I think maybe I should do some editing there. As far as concerns about sexy stuff between him and Marla, idk I think she might be a little in denial about what she and Curtis could get up to.....but maybe you're right, Her little sister did get pregnant when she wasn't that much older than Curtis so maybe it deserves some sort of acknowledgment. 

#2. This one is actually another cut, it is a pretty brutal conversation, it took up a whole lot of space and ultimately when they had that conversation the romantic scene felt completely out of place because the conversation was too dark and sad and very contentious. I made a call to have them have it on the walk/ride home in the next chapter because it was conceivable that the full implications of what Marla told him could take some time to sink in. But idk maybe it was a bad call. Regardless, their reconciliation isn't done, and as you may imagine when your girlfriend is being abused by her father its not a thing you hug it out about once or fight about once and then its done, it will be a journey.

As far as Aunt Claudia---I think he's a little ashamed of it still..could be worth an edit.


Anyway those are absolutely all very valid and insightful critiques and I probably have some edits to do.

I did end up reading chapter 5 before I went to bed :-)
As Mentioned the story gels really nicely now and there are enough character arcs to be followed for a very long time, The question of Seans fate and Curtis's Mean Girl with Mozzie bite tits are still hanging but thats a good thing for reader engagement I feel.

Having been an Early Teen boy in the 70's and being a Dad there are some school related anomalies based on my reality but other countries and counties deal with duty of care differently so I dismissed it as the fault of a crappy system :-)

Ernest the football Jock would likely have gotten away with his behaviour coz Jock and if the instigator Lindsey was popular or from a high profile family she would have been afforded some degree of immunity too considering Marla is just white trash and Curtis only a level above and this is a universal situation until more recent times.

Curtis and guilt is something you can chalk up to naivety and being horny lol
The usual cycle is Horny, Masturbate, Cum and Post cum guilt then rinse and repeat.
He already had thoughts about his cute Aunt they were just undeveloped because prepubescent and now the juices are flowing? its all sexualised .

As for the Cute Cuz well that too plus he learned a highly valued skill to his eternal benefit and Marla's.
Eat pussy like a fat kid eats cake and you instantly level up socially with the girls and they whisper this kinda thing to each other which makes Curtis better regarded if it got out :-)
The potential for Curtis becoming a Manwhore is now real

Love your work SLT

what a fun and charming story so far.  Just enough pain to makle it seem true, and the way you make the love creep up on your characters is sweet. Thank you for sharing this part of your imagination.

(posted from Chapter 5)

good story, wish it was posted more often. thanks for sharing.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Hi there,
I am really enjoying Treehouse.
Any chance of an update on when chapter 6 will be available?
Cheers.

Hey SLT I hope you get back to writing at some point.. would love to see how your story turns out.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

What a marvellous story! Happy, sad, fun and sensual. I look forward to future chapters!

(posted from Chapter 5)