The Pub Discussion Board

Dadrepus · 2023-01-15 03:38:41

Glad I found this site to continue reading all the way to chapter 40. I felt compelled to continue to see the next evolution in the story, although as I read I noticed a definite bias in your approach to the characters. It seems, to my limited understanding as to your intent, you are bias against the male characters. Maybe not intentionally. You portray them as less perceptive and intelligent and only concerned with their dicks and how often they can get laid.The girls/women seem to all be bi but with lesbian leanings emotionally and the only reason they spend time with the boys is to occasionally get laid with the boy's big dicks that can "fill" their vaginas.

Don't get me wrong, I'm always up for a good lesbian love story but I hate to see boys portrayed as shallow teens.

Now for a couple complements. The writing is well done, grammar and spelling good for the most part. It seems someone proofreads, yay. The story as a whole is compelling and I will continue to read this as long as you keep writing. Maybe these young men will have an epiphany in future chapters.

I hope my points are considered constructive and not destructive.

Eric Storm · 2023-01-15 04:29:24

Seems to be a fairly accurate description of the teen boys I grew up with...

3dsmile

Eric Storm

bistander · 2023-01-15 16:25:30

Yeah, what Eric said.

There are only two male characters, other than John, and they are teenage boys who are only concerned with their dicks and getting laid. If that's the impression you got then I nailed it. Thank you for reading.
Evan is a bit deeper than Jason, and he is intentionally being kept in the dark. However, he is very concerned with the girls in his life and is aware his behavior isn't as upstanding as he knows it should be. That's more aware than I was as a teenager. And everybody keep in mind that I didn't expect this to be anything other than a porn story with a tiny bit more plot than the normal spank story. That was until Eric made some suggestions years ago. That's when things got much harder for me to write.

Anyway, I do appreciate your insight. I'm learning this shit as I go, so every comment has the potential to be helpful. Oh, and in chapter 41 Evan is going to be full-on thinking with his dick when he ends up fucking _______ and _________ at the same time.

Have fun.

Eric Storm · 2023-01-15 20:20:09

bistander wrote:
That was until Eric made some suggestions years ago. That's when things got much harder for me to write.

You're welcome. 3dbig_smile

...in chapter 41 Evan is going to be full-on thinking with his dick when he ends up fucking _______ and _________ at the same time.

3dyikes Not _____ and _____! At the same time? He wouldn't dare!!!!! 3dlol

Eric Storm

Dadrepus · 2023-01-18 21:26:31

Used to read a lot of Manga/Comics but find the written stories much more fulfilling.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Mindreader · 2023-02-21 19:44:03

I am I love with this series! I can’t wait to read more! Thank you for sharing your talent with us.

(posted from Chapter 40: Act Happy)

longleer · 2023-03-05 10:12:13

OMG!! I love reading this story. Keep it up. I'm looking forward to see how this ends. Kudos to you and your talent. Thank you again! 💛

(posted from Chapter 40: Act Happy)

Dadrepus · 2023-03-29 18:22:46

Any idea when chapter 41 will be published?

Eric Storm · 2023-03-31 01:18:09

Dadrepus wrote:
Any idea when chapter 41 will be published?

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess... when it's finished?

Eric Storm

Tomboll · 2023-04-04 08:02:35

On a scale 1-5 I would give the parts with Evan a 4 and the parts with Jason a 1. So the rating would average out to 2.5. (Chapter 1-20)

It is well written, the textual articulation is pleasant to read and I only had to do some minor editing. The story itself has ups and downs though. I am not interested in reading about dudes having sex other than the main character. Especially if the females are "love interests" of the main character. Reminds me too much of NTR.

The characters are pretty good, I can usually tell them apart based on behaviour or speech. There are things going on outside of sex which I like, since I prefer stories with sex rather than sex stories.

Evan is not a good friend to Jason and Jason is not a good friend to Evan. They should just cut ties.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

psycotica · 2023-04-12 22:51:48

.....DAYUM!~

(posted from Chapter 6: Transference Whats that?)

bistander · 2023-04-15 13:12:31

Dadrepus wrote:
Any idea when chapter 41 will be published?

Definitely what Eric said, but I'll be more specific, soon.

Other than finishing a short scene with X using a horse cock dildo on y, and a lot of editing and proofreading, it's done. Should be the second to last chapter.

I might have lied about that horse thing.

bistander · 2023-04-15 13:35:48

Tomboll wrote:
On a scale 1-5 I would give the parts with Evan a 4 and the parts with Jason a 1. So the rating would average out to 2.5. (Chapter 1-20)

(posted from the Item Information Page)

So you have only read chapters 1 - 20?

Tomboll wrote:
It is well written, the textual articulation is pleasant to read and I only had to do some minor editing.

I always encourage readers to point out errors. I know I make them often, and some of them get past my three-part proofreading process and my proofreader. Once the story is done, I imagine I'll repost all chapters with corrections and consistent formatting.

Tomboll wrote:
I am not interested in reading about dudes having sex other than the main character especially if the females are "love interests" of the main character. Reminds me too much of NTR.

I don't know what NTR is. As for the sex, I wrote this story for a XXX site that was for posting SEX stories, and there was a wide range of interests regarding the types of sex, so I added lots of sex and different kinks. Some people still as for more sex, and even more of kinks that others aren't so thrilled with. You can't please everybody.

Tomboll wrote:
Evan is not a good friend to Jason and Jason is not a good friend to Evan. They should just cut ties.

I'm assuming that is a compliment for nailing the types of friendships that high school offers. Maybe that's just me, but I didn't stay friends with any of the ass hats I went to H.S. with.
It would have been realistic if Evan didn't have any friends. Jason served a purpose.

I'm curious, are you an author, avid reader, or professional story critic? I ask because of how specific and insightful your comments are.

Eric Storm · 2023-04-16 07:45:23

bistander wrote:
Tomboll wrote:
I am not interested in reading about dudes having sex other than the main character especially if the females are "love interests" of the main character. Reminds me too much of NTR.
I don't know what NTR is.

NTR is an abbreviation for netorare, a Japanese term common in adult visual novels (and probably other places, but that's where I know it from). Netorare basically is when a love interest of the main character cheats on him. It tends to be a highly polarizing topic, but my experience has been that it is a very unpopular type of content.

Netorare does differ from sharing, where an MC will voluntarily allow a love interest to have sex with someone else... but I have seen that this content is virtually equivalent to netorare in who likes or doesn't like it. Meaning, if you like netorare, you like sharing, and if you don't like one, you don't like either. Obviously there is some deviation, but I don't think very much.

Also, there is a distinction between sharing a love interest with another male, and sharing a love interest with a female who is also a love interest. This content is more widely acceptable, though there are still some who find it distasteful.

Please note that there is another content type, referred to as cheating. This differs from NTR in that it is meant to mean that the love interest is cheating on someone else with the MC. So, if you catch your wife in bed with another guy, that's netorare. If some other guy catches you in bed with his wife, that's cheating.

The only aspect that I'm still unclear on is, if you are seducing another guy's wife, and she continues to sleep with her husband until you finish seducing her, is that netorare and cheating, or just cheating? Ah, the intricacies of content codes...

3dsmile

Eric Storm

PS: I should probably also say that it does matter whether the action happens on-screen or off. Take the scenario I mentioned where the MC is seducing a man's wife. If the wife still has sex with her husband, but it is never seen by the reader, this will be far more palatable to those who dislike NTR than if you actually show the scene. I think the only way the anti-NTR crowd would find that scene acceptable was if it turned from an NTR scene into a cuckold scene by having the MC barge in and take over from the other guy. But I'd bet even that would be unacceptable to some of them.

bistander · 2023-04-16 13:33:22

Eric Storm wrote:
But I'd bet even that would be unacceptable to some of them.

Thank you Eric, you are a wealth of information. How did I not know all that?

I'm going to name one of my characters NTR and have all the other characters have sex with NTR. 3dbig_smile

Eric Storm · 2023-04-16 16:45:51

bistander wrote:
I'm going to name one of my characters NTR and have all the other characters have sex with NTR.

Okay, perhaps I'm rubbing off on you in the wrong ways... LOL

3dlol

Eric Storm

bistander · 2023-04-28 15:21:36

Eric Storm wrote:
Okay, perhaps I'm rubbing off on you in the wrong ways... LOL

Eric Storm

There's always room for another smartass. 3dcool

bistander · 2023-04-29 12:39:10

I reposted chapter this morning because of an error where I said Rebecca and it should have said Darlene. I hope nobody was confused.
Eric, don't say it. :-)

(posted from Chapter 41: If We Help Each Other)

Eric Storm · 2023-04-30 00:58:33

bistander wrote:
Eric, don't say it. :-)

I have so many smart-assed replies to make here. Which one am I not allowed to say?

3dangel 3dtongue

LMAO

Eric Storm

Dadrepus · 2023-05-04 15:07:30

Chapter 41 good. Can't wait for more.

(posted from Chapter 41: If We Help Each Other)

southpaw1430 · 2023-05-06 15:58:10

One of my favorite stories. Thanks.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Tomboll · 2023-06-17 01:59:25

Sorry for the late reply. I don't spend my time on this site because I could not figure out how to filter and sort stories here. I first found Potential somewhere else but there were missing chapters.

bistander wrote:
So you have only read chapters 1 - 20?

Yes, I am all over the place trying to find something matching my preferences. My time is thinly spread out.

bistander wrote:
I always encourage readers to point out errors. I know I make them often, and some of them get past my three-part proofreading process and my proofreader. Once the story is done, I imagine I'll repost all chapters with corrections and consistent formatting.

Errors were most likely so minor it really is not worth the effort to go back and correct them. I do not remember what the errors were. But if they were distracting or detrimental to the story I would have said so. I am anal about the texts I read so I edit and correct them before I finish reading them.

bistander wrote:
You can't please everybody.

Yes, completely true.

bistander wrote:
I'm assuming that is a compliment for nailing the types of friendships that high school offers. Maybe that's just me, but I didn't stay friends with any of the ass hats I went to H.S. with.
It would have been realistic if Evan didn't have any friends. Jason served a purpose.

All my friends are from kindergarten or elementary school. So the friends I had in high school are still my friends. Friends being different from buddies, mates and acquaintances. I am 43+.

bistander wrote:
I'm curious, are you an author, avid reader, or professional story critic?

I read a lot when I was young. I have edited a lot of texts for people, but never professionally.

bistander wrote:
I ask because of how specific and insightful your comments are.

You caught me on a good day.

Last edited by Tomboll (2023-06-20 04:47:59)

Eric Storm · 2023-06-17 12:57:51

Tomboll wrote:
I don't spend my time on this site because I could not figure out how to filter and sort stories here.

Basic Search

This tool is available from the left-side menu of the main section of the website.

Eric Storm

Tomboll · 2023-06-17 20:46:42

Eric Storm wrote:
Tomboll wrote:
I don't spend my time on this site because I could not figure out how to filter and sort stories here.
Basic Search

This tool is available from the left-side menu of the main section of the website.

Eric Storm

Thank you, I will try that.

Eric Storm · 2023-06-18 01:22:52

No problem.

Next time, just ask. 3dsmile

Eric Storm

The Pub Discussion Board

#476 2023-01-15 03:38:41

Re: Potential

#477 2023-01-15 04:29:24

Re: Potential

#478 2023-01-15 16:25:30

Re: Potential

#479 2023-01-15 20:20:09

Re: Potential

bistander wrote:

#480 2023-01-18 21:26:31

Re: Potential

#481 2023-02-21 19:44:03

Re: Potential

#482 2023-03-05 10:12:13

Re: Potential

#483 2023-03-29 18:22:46

Re: Potential

#484 2023-03-31 01:18:09

Re: Potential

Dadrepus wrote:

#485 2023-04-04 08:02:35

Re: Potential

#486 2023-04-12 22:51:48

Re: Potential

#487 2023-04-15 13:12:31

Re: Potential

Dadrepus wrote:

#488 2023-04-15 13:35:48

Re: Potential

Tomboll wrote:

Tomboll wrote:

Tomboll wrote:

Tomboll wrote:

#489 2023-04-16 07:45:23

Re: Potential

bistander wrote:

Tomboll wrote:

#490 2023-04-16 13:33:22

Re: Potential

Eric Storm wrote:

#491 2023-04-16 16:45:51

Re: Potential

bistander wrote:

#492 2023-04-28 15:21:36

Re: Potential

Eric Storm wrote:

#493 2023-04-29 12:39:10

Re: Potential

#494 2023-04-30 00:58:33

Re: Potential

bistander wrote:

#495 2023-05-04 15:07:30

Re: Potential

#496 2023-05-06 15:58:10

Re: Potential

#497 2023-06-17 01:59:25

Re: Potential

bistander wrote:

bistander wrote:

bistander wrote:

bistander wrote:

bistander wrote:

bistander wrote:

#498 2023-06-17 12:57:51

Re: Potential

Tomboll wrote:

#499 2023-06-17 20:46:42

Re: Potential

Eric Storm wrote:

Tomboll wrote:

#500 2023-06-18 01:22:52

Re: Potential

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