The Pub Discussion Board

Bridget · 2023-11-17 10:41:06

Building a Slave Harem

A young man and his girlfriend explore their life together, discovering things about each other, and themselves. Not the least of which, the young man can manipulate minds. How will they explore his abilities?

Some notes about the Story:
First, this story is set in a world much like our own with a few exceptions that aren’t exactly trivial, but are minor, on the surface. First, sex is not considered the Taboo it is here. Consider it a sexual revolution or something else, but it’s just not the same as it is in our reality. Sex is open, talked about and encouraged. While monogamy certainly still exists, and many still practice exclusive relationships, open relationships aren’t looked on as taboo either.

Second, The story begins by introducing our two primary characters, giving us their history, starting in high school. The first sex scene is between consenting teens, if underage sex is a turn off, or offensive to you, stop reading now. There will be more. This also falls under the things that are different here… Underage sex isn’t illegal. While it’s not universally accepted, it’s not universally frowned upon either.

A Formatting note: I've decided to use a couple scene separators to help identify shifts... Critical events in the story are played out "In Person", while there is more of a Narrative Summary for spaces in between. The separator for these is:
---===---

Inside the "In Person" if there is a short gap in time but no summary, then you'll see this separator
-----

Should be it.

Saran · 2023-11-17 19:59:13

I've made some format changes to remove the fun "special characters" from the story.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Dadrepus · 2023-11-19 14:58:29

Pretty good start. I'm excited to see where this goes. Pease stick with it until you have a satisfying conclusion. So many Authors just disappear before they conclude their stories, leaving us hanging. Don't be one of those, please.

(posted from Chapter 1 - Getting to Know You)

Maverick7508 · 2023-11-20 01:22:15

Nicely written. The world does seem depressing as the sexual revolution was a harmful social change which we still suffer the consequences of. Still though, you seem to have a talent for this.

(posted from Chapter 1 - Getting to Know You)

Saran · 2023-11-20 05:25:58

Thanks for the comments so far. I very much appreciate the feedback.

Dadrepus wrote:
Pretty good start. I'm excited to see where this goes. Pease stick with it until you have a satisfying conclusion. So many Authors just disappear before they conclude their stories, leaving us hanging. Don't be one of those, please.

(posted from Chapter 1 - Getting to Know You)

I have already finished the drafts of the first 6 chapters and I'm working through a content pass through them. I'll pot chapter 2 in a few days. And probably 1 chapter a week as I work to finish out more chapters. Sometimes I write fast and other times it takes a little while. I have plans for this, so I will finish at least that much of it. I won't leave things hanging, but I may leave it in a place where it's able to more forward, but doesn't have any loose ends, if that makes sense.

Maverick7508 wrote:
Nicely written. The world does seem depressing as the sexual revolution was a harmful social change which we still suffer the consequences of. Still though, you seem to have a talent for this.

(posted from Chapter 1 - Getting to Know You)

The world is meant to be more liberated and open. Yes, in our world this was a negative thing, but in the world I'm presenting it's meant to be something that is more open, more... shall we say fun?

It leaves things a little more fluid for the the way I wanted to write the story and how Rob and Cindy learn about themselves and others they encounter. I think this will become more clear as we get deeper into the story.

abaddon.pale · 2023-11-22 13:43:41

Very nice story so far. Looking forward to more.

It is clear that you and I have read and enjoyed a lot of the same stories in the past. Yours sharing a lot of elements with some of my most favorite stories of all time. This is NOT in any way a knock or slight. All stories are derived in some way from those that came before it. The impetus for inspiration comes from all that we have read and experienced in the past, no matter what form of media. So as I said your story and characters have a lot of elements that I simply adore.

Rob and Cindy are well flushed out characters, each with their own drives and motivations. Even with Cindy being mind controlled to one degree or another. And the world is compelling enough to make me want more.

Our writing styles are different, yours and mine, but our stories have a lot of kink crossover coverage, so I am looking forward to more from you in the future.

Well done my friend, well done, and keep it coming.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Elessar · 2023-11-23 04:53:49

Overall I like the story. I like the lack of sex scenes and more focus on the STORY. The transition from what SEEMS past tense to present tense is a little confusing, but if you don't think about it then it's fine.

I feel the pace is a little quick, Money, sex, cars, drugs and rocknroll type of quick. But beyond my personal feel of it, I think it is doing fine. Not rushed, not slow.

I think it seems rushed to me because it jumps time frame so quickly without much notice. "XYZ did this at home" "XYZ weeks later learned this" "XYZ's parent's went on vacation and they graduated highschool"(Chapter 1 was Freshmen and Sophmore year)

(posted from Chapter 2 - Expanding Knowledge)

Saran · 2023-11-23 05:32:24

Thanks for the comment. I appreciate the feed back.

I will say that the first 2 chapters of this story are a lot more setup and getting to know the 2 primary characters in the story. As such, I'm kind of developing them rather quickly. So by the end of Chapter 2, Rob and Cindy have both graduated high school. We will skip a bit more of time for sure, but as we get further into the story there will be more "in between" events that will happen and perhaps it won't feel as rushed.

One other thing... this is written as a reflection, or reminiscence and as such is kind of like those memories we have... some what disjointed and in some cases fragmented.

Glad to hear you like the story so far. The story will have more sex in it as it goes on... but there will still be story involved.

Eric Storm · 2023-11-23 22:02:02

Yeah, he prefers for his stories to not have sex scenes, so naturally he comes to an erotica site... 3droll

Eric Storm

Elessar · 2023-11-27 03:59:33

I naturally come to a site with talented authors that just so happens to be an erotica site.

As for the sex scenes, stories are good with them, but when there are 2-3 in every chapter... it kind of saturates the story to me.

Eric Storm wrote:
Yeah, he prefers for his stories to not have sex scenes, so naturally he comes to an erotica site...

Eric Storm

Saran · 2023-11-27 20:55:23

Elessar wrote:
I naturally come to a site with talented authors that just so happens to be an erotica site.

As for the sex scenes, stories are good with them, but when there are 2-3 in every chapter... it kind of saturates the story to me.

Glad you think the place has good writers. Always good to see a place like that. As for this story, I can tell you that it is going to have more sex in it in the future and not less. I've managed to "write ahead" and I already have a chapter that is ALL sex with 3 different partners. (Same male, the MC) Ok, not ALL sex, but there is a theme to the chapter that focuses on the Main Character "Claiming" three new women/girls.

That will be almost the entire chapter. There will be plenty of character development through the story, and interaction, but there will be sections of the story "dedicated" to sex because of how it's planned. That chapter specifically just focuses on a particular 'event' in the characters' lives.

Elessar · 2023-11-29 07:25:40

Saran wrote:
As for this story, I can tell you that it is going to have more sex in it in the future and not less. I've managed to "write ahead" and I already have a chapter that is ALL sex with 3 different partners. (Same male, the MC) Ok, not ALL sex, but there is a theme to the chapter that focuses on the Main Character "Claiming" three new women/girls.

That will be almost the entire chapter. There will be plenty of character development through the story, and interaction, but there will be sections of the story "dedicated" to sex because of how it's planned. That chapter specifically just focuses on a particular 'event' in the characters' lives.

I don't mind sex as long as it actually has a point to it. I know some writers will put a scene in and think it helps or put it in to help a scene but it doesn't always.

Not to steal from Eric's stories, but he had several scenes that without the sex, the story wouldn't make sense in a lot of parts. Or at least the sexual interactions, not always the intercourse.

I enjoy the scenes when they are exciting, the actual sex of it doesn't matter, it's the context and surrounding of the scene that matters for me.

Saran · 2023-12-07 15:38:07

I have posted chapter 5, and since it was posted a little later than I had hoped, I will probably follow with Chapter 6 a little quicker than the 5 days I'm shooting for... at least for now.

Elessar:
That is fine, it's your preference and I have no problem with that. While not ALL the sex in this story will be detailed and fully descriptive, most of it will. Is it part of the story? Sure. Is it necessary? Well given this is a Harem story, I'd say it is. But that's my take on it. *smirk*

Saran · 2023-12-28 01:27:47

I have posted Chapter 9, a little later than I'd expected due to the holidays. I'll be posting Chapter 10 in a few days to get the release schedule 'back on track.'

Would love to hear what you all think so far.

Saran · 2023-12-31 02:35:24

Got a quick question for those of you out there that are enjoying the story so far.

I have a couple of ideas about the various Adult Slaves that Rob already has. (For the story published so far that's Cindy and Sherry, but there is one more that will be introduced before this comes up)

The idea of it is basically No Rights Slaves that have children (girls) are slaves unless the owner decides to make them free. (Kind of a reverse registration of sorts) The registration to make the slave's child free would need to be made for them to attend public school... otherwise the child, like the mother, doesn't officially exist.

Anyway, so the question is, what do you all think about slaves giving birth to slaves? Would any of you like to see this?

Elessar · 2023-12-31 20:13:34

Saran wrote:
Anyway, so the question is, what do you all think about slaves giving birth to slaves? Would any of you like to see this?

While I have stopped reading after a certain point for a couple reasons,(personal mostly), I feel that slaves giving birth to slaves in the concept of building a Harem would make sense. As they won't officially exist, they can get an education and then decide later if they wish to become a slave at that point based on how the main character and the slaves are all treated. It also allows a conflict later as a possibility, IE one of the freed slaves would be able to rebel again the slaves and try and free them.

Is there any reason so far as to why this character has the specific abilities that he has? Is there a chance that offspring my develop it? What about the chance of governmental types investigating because of XYZ happening slightly out of norm.

Saran · 2024-01-01 00:21:13

Elessar wrote:
Saran wrote:
Anyway, so the question is, what do you all think about slaves giving birth to slaves? Would any of you like to see this?
Is there any reason so far as to why this character has the specific abilities that he has? Is there a chance that offspring my develop it? What about the chance of governmental types investigating because of XYZ happening slightly out of norm.

No, I've never really delved into where the abilities come from, why he has them or any of that. I have hinted at, though only obliquely that his parents didn't have this ability so it's probably not genetic. I didn't put in an freak science accident before he started noticing the abilities... so I'm not really sure there is an "origin story" that I have developed here.

As to the government coming to investigate? He's kept a low profile beyond the fact that he's gotten a number of very devoted slaves in a relatively short period of time. An investigation does happen, but it's not about his abilities but with the suspicion that he's not following the consent stipulation of the laws and that he's coercing women to become slaves. (It's an arc that has been written at this point, but the 'final resolution' is still being considered.)

Saran · 2024-01-07 08:34:40

I have reposted Chapter 9, but if you've already read it there is no reason to go back to it.

There is but one change, and it's to Rob's last name. I had forgotten I'd given him one and gave him one I'm more fond of in later chapters. SOOOO, todays change is to "officially" change the only other place the name I originally gave it. Rob is now Rob Pendry.

Thanks

Saran · 2024-01-16 21:05:37

Chapter 13 is posted and picks up the process from where 12 left us with Kenna and Monica.

Saran · 2024-04-17 07:28:02

So I have been dealing with some writer's block and a few other things and got stuck for a time on Chapter 24. I've had a couple sessions of really looking into where the story is at and what I wanted to do with it. As such I've gone through and decided where the story is going and where it will end.

I've done a good bit of planning on this and I have finished the draft of chapter 24, outlined 25 and have the story planned to finish at chapter 29. That might change by length, if I decide to split a chapter concept into more than one chapter, but for the most part I have the story's conclusion set.

That said, I am looking at 24 again, just to be sure, and then I will post it... hopefully this week.

Then it's time to write 25 and 26... both are outlined.

The Pub Discussion Board

#1 2023-11-17 10:41:06

Building a Slave Harem

#2 2023-11-17 19:59:13

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#3 2023-11-19 14:58:29

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#4 2023-11-20 01:22:15

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#5 2023-11-20 05:25:58

Re: Building a Slave Harem

Dadrepus wrote:

Maverick7508 wrote:

#6 2023-11-22 13:43:41

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#7 2023-11-23 04:53:49

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#8 2023-11-23 05:32:24

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#9 2023-11-23 22:02:02

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#10 2023-11-27 03:59:33

Re: Building a Slave Harem

Eric Storm wrote:

#11 2023-11-27 20:55:23

Re: Building a Slave Harem

Elessar wrote:

#12 2023-11-29 07:25:40

Re: Building a Slave Harem

Saran wrote:

#13 2023-12-07 15:38:07

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#14 2023-12-28 01:27:47

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#15 2023-12-31 02:35:24

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#16 2023-12-31 20:13:34

Re: Building a Slave Harem

Saran wrote:

#17 2024-01-01 00:21:13

Re: Building a Slave Harem

Elessar wrote:

Saran wrote:

#18 2024-01-07 08:34:40

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#19 2024-01-16 21:05:37

Re: Building a Slave Harem

#20 2024-04-17 07:28:02

Re: Building a Slave Harem

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