The Pub Discussion Board

Interesting concept and question.

I was going to comment that your character being from you UK, you should use more UK-English colloquialisms, but as the chapter goes on you do throw in more.  Still over-all the narrator doesn't really speak like someone from the UK. So that could be a constructive criticism.  Just a bit of polish.

There are a few instances of singular words being used where a plural would be better.  e.g. ", than he usually produced with handjob." would be more correct as handjobs.

What I liked about the story.
Sneaky ( why did she do it? )
Is what happened before the reason she likes what she does now?
What will she do next?
Will she want to try other ... em resupies?

All in all, intriguing start. If you continue this story I hope we find out what "Mum's" motivation was.

(posted from Chapter 1)

Sam Spayed wrote:

Thanks for the praise.
That's a missing "a" rather than a plural. There's a missing "we" earlier too. I shouldn't have written and submitted the same day. It'd probably be a good idea to find an offline grammar checker too.

This is a one-off. I think any more would make it something else or risk death by over-explaining. It might also need research that I am not willing to do. Semen ages relatively quickly but does refrigeration change the taste?

Mum definitely did it to produce the described effect. Giving epic blowjobs is a very useful skill, especially for a teenager who might need to cool a partner's ardor. One rarely practices a skill that they find distasteful.

Another interesting question is, does Dad know?

I use Pro Writing Aid for grammar checking and Natural Speech for text to speech.. I find Listen back a few times before I do a AI grammar really helps me a lot. I still miss stuff though ..

I feel you on the research and that's a good question.   I often wonder why girls on Naked and Afraid don't doll out lots of BJs to the man.. nice protein meal LOL...

Good point about the Father.  And also now that she knows the source of that flavor she loved so much as a child... will she start to crave the original..  New Coke vs Old Coke

DoomCock wrote:

Short, sweet.  I liked it.  Not bad for a one-off.  Though, that being the case, you might want to consider renaming it something other than "Chapter 1".  Just a thought.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

They didn't.  "Chapter 1" is the default name for the first chapter of any story.  Short stories are not treated - internally - different from novels.  If you don't name the chapters, they get called "Chapter [#]".

Eric Storm